Sometimes Wishing...

White snow blankets all as i soak into my bath of blood

The impossible fades away into distant stars long forgotten

under books filled with love letters and hopeful spiderwebs

am i doomed to play the little match girl?

marred for my sins

you say 'repent'

with that fear in your eyes

you say 'repent'

behind the tears

the coyotes howl to me

in the winter darkness

trickers of the night

come to leer me into the darkness

sweeping up the memory of time

all alone in your fake empire

sweeping the steps

as tumbleweeds kiss my cheeks

don't tell me you'd help...but...

lost and alone

braking nails

and teardrops stained into masa tortillas

incapable of love

talk the talk

but you can't walk the walk

want to slip, brake the glass in my hand say it was an accident

spoken to softly, to soon in the church

doves resting, dead at your feet

i would bring to you a cat's catch if you'd

if you'd.....

snowing falling outside on the pussy willows

i'm cold and empty

trying to love myself

...sometimes hopeless

thāngks-gĭv'ĭng

mystical dreams wrapped in in late november days

i think i even forgot your birthday

everyone's uncomfortable shifting in their shoes

watching the walls pretending the cocks are still posted

here and there

premonition coming true?

half way and almost

i say it and it appears

dream it and it creates it's self

maybe i saw this coming... secrets i'll be telling you tomorrow

do you love the person i started out as of the person i'm becoming?

train stations early in the morning

she's got a ticket to ride

mash potatoes, cinnamon, the way you looked up at me

blushing next to the cuff links

was that not even a year again

your missing the point

this is not a temper tantrum

it's a stand

strands of time spilling out of the hour glass

harder to play good cop bad cop now that we're all

grow up

some of us bitter some of us glow

i want 'in my life' to be true

can't bring myself to my knees

humble at your throne

rather sit next to you

never letting the canary free from my lips

bi polar bouncing thro hate and love letters

getting all mixed up in you

and you and you and you

The Snow covered up the grass with her great white cloak, and the Frost painted all the trees silver.

i lay in bed waiting for you to get off work

it's winter again, warm water streaming down my face

same same but different

tell me you don't understand but you just shake your head from side to side

not listening

soft black lines more perfect than my own

knew there was something different about you

but this one isn't as good as the last

no compliments

this is just what rolling around inside my head

dream of that beach

foot prints still in the sand

watching everyone know each other and

sink a little deeper inside my cave of hate

always listening to the A side

A minor

and not wanting to do anything tonight

and you out there, are you thinking of me

what's gonna happen when i'm gone

will you smell my hair on the wind and

hold my memory tight

cat knocks the table over and i shut her up

stir crazy just like me

noticing that i noticed you wishing i'd just passed you by

sometimes my angle sometimes my devil

all that hate is for myself

saving it in a bottle

what am i looking for?

sewing needles, scraps of hair, worn out lullabies

someone new, someone old

all the same underneath pink hair and sassy lips

old writhed hands clacking in the blue light of the computer screen

nails looking like dragon claws

that thing in the room is an elephant

i know it doesn't look or feel like one

but your missing the point

and i dance off down that yellow brick road

when i look back on all this

will i say

god i wanted to leave santa fe

that was hard, and a mistake

what am i doing here

if i'm not here for you

want to sleep it off for 23 years

i haven't become who you are

well read, full of ideas

black and white paint and keys

as i drift under the sea

drinking day in and day out

singing with the skeletons i find on the driftwood

collet seashells with no point

but to clutter your hallway

nothing, had so much potential

no wonder you've lost interest

eat, drink, sleep, fuck, shit

if we create the universe that we live in

am i really so boring

is this all i've come up with ?

sing me to sleep

fingernails underneath my eyelids

wake me when the moon comes up

the angel of the bottomless pit

harmonized anger.

crippled and pathetic my heart is tonight

an angel fallen without wings

thro the blue orchards of time

pass the cows

speckled and still

maybe you spoke to soon

maybe your extended arm will soon be like that kiss i never took

children pinned against each other

endless war of wills

slide

wind sculpted harps

but i like the way your figures do it better

acted as an adult as a child

acted as a child as an adult

i'm sorry

i really am, my lack of sense of humor got the best of me

maybe i glow, or maybe i'm just getting fat

do you know how much of the time i spend trying to convince myself

'no'

put down the razor

let go of the bottle

don't cry

its ok to be mad, but just at yourself

spill over the blankets

softness on the couch and

listening to your brain on fire

wishing i was still cool

my fingers making nothing more than shreds of hair

sometimes i wonder if your fuzzy white coat will soon be pink

love star

this is all where it begins

maybe we built a time machine and we don't even know it

desert gives way to clear oceans

and all i want is to go swim with the angels

looks like i'm gonna have to wait my turn

Minor Key

slip into my punk rock squatter bed in my room

press repeat and watch my eyes roll back

my heart is heavy watching you pull that beautiful music from yourself

gorgeous and effortless

sunken in my ways, crying into your eyes over something far far away from

our fake empire

masks made out of gardens quivering in their boxes

someone told me a secret last night that's been on my tongue all day

not wanting this to be your song, and yet poisoning you with it

noticing the lack of eye contact between me and the rest of the unsuspecting world

my heart heavy in my hand again, let me toss it to the wind

it's not doing anyone any good here

dream of you screaming down the highway doors open

secret letter on receipts, ingrown circus layers, tea parties to share whippers about me

when the music stopped i expect you to crawl into me

hit repeat


take the long way home thro lost glass slippers

and mopping baby elephants

if i lived in the world i created what would it look like

trees made of lollipops

and rain drops made out of soda. . .

just for me the church bells rang. . .

it's cold and grey outside

and that's just fine with my heart

seeping into the digital world

new faux, covered in ink splatter

love surrounds my bed, and pillows piled on top to keep me warm

dear alcohol,

how i've missed you

i promise i'll never abandon you again

my sweet

xoxoxo

Serena

is my name but my family calls me

Serene

white lilies dying in my room of frost and for longed love

my paintings need hanging my needle readjusting

and my heart some mending

we beat each other to the pavement

no anger in my limp body as

i turn purple and collapse at your feet

silence

wondering what stopping would feel like

blue and purple blazing in my eyes

cold air on my skin brings me back to reality

life scattered through out my room

quite and sad

my days are long and my night lonely and dark

growing afraid of the ghosts i hold deep inside

blood dripping down my legs

release and puffy eyes in the morning

don't look at me, cast away

go sailing, name your ship after me

in the storm you are my destination,

in the port you are my storm

what's left

i have nothing more to say

Goodbye.

the week of aug 20th.

Maybe you weren't listened to very attentively as a child. Perhaps you were dressed in clothes you didn't like, hugged only three times a year, and fed food you were allergic to. I suppose it's even possible that your parents were psychotic drug dealers who kept you chained to a radiator in their squalid basement. If that's the case, Aries, I would understand if you had an urge to devote the next three decades to bewailing your bitter past and scheming up ways to wreak revenge on the cruel world. But if you have ever been curious about whether there might be better ways to allocate your time and energy, I have good news. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you now have it in your power to overcome your toughest memories and set out on a course to become almost as secure as if those bad things had never happened.

My Life According to Leonard Cohen

(fuck Bono)

Pick Your Artist: Leonard Cohen

Are you male or female: I'm your man

Describe yourself: Love Itself

How do you feel about yourself: Waiting For The Miracle

Describe your current boy/girl situation:Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye

Describe where you currently live: Tower Of Song

If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: A Thousand Kisses Deep

Your favorite form of transportation: Jazz Police

Your best friend(s) is(are): The Stranger Song

Your favorite color is: Famous Blue Raincoat

Favorite time of day: Night Comes On

If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: In My Secret Life

What is life to you: The Future

What is the best advice you have to give: Ain't No Cure For Love

Thought for the Day: I Can't Forget

How I would like to die: Everybody Knows

My soul's present condition: Hallelujah

chiming light savers of death's departed.

i feel the waves of the earth crashing over me

she felt so soft, even thro my pants

never been kissed before and unaccountable

stepping up to the plate, virginal, and not knowing what i'd give

silently vacuum all the glitter up from my eyes

and make plans, for falling in

with those sunset path ways thro the field

i dream of you

losing you

i dream of you

enter back into the reality

of non reality that i feel so close to

sleepy now, i smell like a stripper

and everyones long gone

to sleep in and out with redheaded angels

i want you to know that i'm thinking about you

and as i long for another's touch

i want you to know

i dream of you

losing you

i dream of you

a forgotten poem and a reanimated dream.

have you ever dreamt a dream that you had had before?

wondering if you were having rem deja vu?

or perhaps the sensation is false familiarity,

do you know what happens next because your deciding your own dreaming fate?

i stand inside peering out window pain

imagining the leaves turn golden,

falling off and snow covering the trees

bare and helpless

it reminds me of a old poem i could never remember

and now i've forgotten

the future seems so bright only to pass into it

everything the same

i wrote you a drunken lullaby the other night

soft whispers of heart felt reasoning

pounds to hard when there's refusal of a hug

practice, as i peer out my steeple windows

seems like all i ever want to do is nothing.

Sunday June 20, 2004

3:18:22 PM

Ten thousand years later, I just want to tell you: you
have the most beautiful eyes. I'm so scared I'm going
to forget something really important, but if i do, no
matter what, it won't be you.

"You've never been true and it's plain to see
The fact is you never really cared"

i'm just a little ball of hatred for you

i hate it when you touch me please don't.

thro the looking glass into your very past soul

connections and disconnection, feeling low for someone i don't know very well

i looked into the hazel and bared my soul my deepest darkest desires that come from longing

and wanting to be longed for

to be your mother teresa

the sex goddess you crave

the girl that stays in your bed just long enough to make you grow up

when i tell boys i want to be their muse it's a passing note in their thought

like i want them to make me pretty paper flowers or draw pictures of me

write songs about me and think about me when they're fucking their next girlfriend

unaware of my underlying need to be god of the world

in bed in the pastern in the clouds

i want you to breath me

needing me to filled every void in your body

till you don't need me anymore and i move on

it's not love and it's not a lost boy with a sink full of dirty dishes

it's just my next broken pieces that fit into me

people don't brake each other, they brake themselves against each other

why does my hate boil over for you when i can find something to love in everyone else

sleepy smitten blue eyes once for me

this could only happen to me?

let go and become something new

you decided on this, so stop thinking about the past rearranging the future

that's as long as he needed you

you knew it, and he didn't, you did him a favor

and your full of shit

planting already dead flowers over the graves of nazi soldiers

nothing can grow here

i'm broken in my little secret garden

i came with offers of candied roses and saffron jewels and draping virgins

leaving with shattered tears made from your cobalt blue eyes

broken promise rings

and overflowing orgy sex found in churches

how can everything i touch

mean to little?

so little

swap me for a milkmaid

my 'best friend' over and over again

the next gothy girl that wanders thro your bury eyes

i dream about you and the thought of you being with someone else

it cripples me

and waking up to reality is like a comfort knowing your not like everyone else

stained black and broken down pink

who will still need me? feed me? when i'm 64

everyone's mix tape is all mixed up in my itunes

jon, do you want to know how i knew you never really loved me?

guess

there's nothing like using someone else's thoughts and notes to express the way you feel

about someone else

on/

can you remember that soft yellow light of october?

seems so far away all those feelings a flutter

now dust and ashes

remember the way your room felt in the first sunlight of hours

someone seeing you at you most candid

pill popping cold winter breeze at devotchka

wanted so badly to be wanted

very little you could do about it

you were the perfect fit to my not wanting to run around

and sleep by myself every night

so how come at least he and i can be honest with each other in our

backwards way

and you and i can't be friends

layered popsicles

and wanting there to be crab apples

but knowing there's not

sleeping in past daylight and there's no one home

flowers on the razor wire

shutting the window, cold and trying to sleep

dead phones, water based

and second hand smoke at mogwai shows

a lone soft whistle from far away

just to have you hold me again

the way you want to

cause i miss you

and i'm missing my Q and A

traded this time for late night scooter rides

tears rushing in past quite boats

ready to leave in the morning

sweaty with long hair and ink splattered across their chest and arms

what will i be when i grow up

am i destin so be elegant waste

i can't imagine being so expected for being so strange

is it talent? or is it what we are looking for

deep down inside us

self loathing and

public expectance

i don't think i could live with that

/ off

... .. ... .- ---

my sweetheart the drunk called today to tell me he was on his way over

we hugged in that way that could have gone on forever wondering who will pull away last

he smelled like a reminder of austin

he looked at me wanting to say all those things behind his blue eyes

i told him my dirty little secret that either he gave to me

or i gave to him

sorry for the news

i'm sorry to hear that

wondering what your hair looks like

i left my bible in my sweetheart the drunk's car

pages of black and white overly lapping faces off mom

blood pooling on the edges

as gloved hands scatted ink over the same spot over and over again

i can't decide if i've accepted amanda palmer as my personal savior again

or if i think she's the anti christ

'open my legs up for anyone who'll have me'

you asked me why i was reading it and i didn't really have an explanation

remember when i left

you knew i wasn't your caged serene animal

i don't care what you think about me

but love me

when you turned your back on me i hardly noticed i'd been looking at my feet so long

pretending i wasn't crying over what everyone else had but me

back to the point as you sat in your car and i was talking to jett on the phone

as you walked away and i said thank you

i wanted to say if you ever want to be friends let me know

'Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on'

take all the metal out and polish my neck

life is so busy and i'm alone watching the sky grow darker thro tree branches

i was looking for you

i just had to take the drunken detour to find you

i'm easy physically

but mentally. . .

i'm melted

congratulations

now if i can just not get pregnant in the next month life will be good

god please don't curse me because i just put that in writing

Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk

moody as smoke billows out of black canisters

everything but and dreaming about lost people who i can't touch anymore

so much right and so little wrong, in a strange way all i want is to be alone

this is such a strange feeling for me

consumed up in one other person not wanting to deal with the outside

sounds and goosebumps

dreaming we can just be dreams, i mean friends

thinking about how cute and nice your best friend is

hugs

and how much trouble that got me into last time

my fingertips are dry and dyed

thinking about how good it is just to lay in bed with you

listening to your thoughts

is this it, all over again

why does easter move around?

and what are you doing today?

prickly cold leg hair

waiting, . . .

strawberries and marinating meat

why can i just get along with my friends

and not be a hater

can't wait for crap apple blossoms a new

why is there no doubt in my mind

you'll be there

the titanic was unsinkable

good thing i'm a little over weight

can't wait to get burned into submission

taking over the nature inside me

it's a strange retaliation

are we still best friends?

or have we replaced each other?

secret gardens, easter baskets, and wondering

wondering if i'll ever fall in love with you

and what happens if i can't?

will i burn all your mix tapes?

throw away all your files?

do i really have the need to bury people so much?

maybe i should just take my own advice and know

someday all my feelings for you will just faded away

leaving me a little more on empty than

the hole i started with

just remember...

that death is not the end. not the end. not the end.

this is our last goodbye.

you call to tell me we can never be friends any more,

after i've offered you my littlest shred of sympathy

jett told me i was inviting trouble and now i for sure believe him

when you tell me you don't want to be the boy who never stops being in love with me,

i have to smile because your admitting defeat before you've even finished your sentence

wishing i had the phone charging from jett

phones gonna die

slip on pants to go talk to you in the wind

i tell you i enjoyed the ticket i had for your ride

the world a mess

wild at heart and weird on top

can't make the tears come to my eyes

just like that night way back when with

the tears of black streaming down my face

and the razors blade in my mouth

not as cute as me and not as smart as me

and we all know it

i wondering if that's what she meant by you don't want anything else

lets go break bottles in the alley way

where i'm gonna jump you

and cut your face off kid

clean off

just wanna tell you one last time

i love you

.old.

long time lover of my past

floating like a ghost in my old hotel room

many teared night past in a smelly little hole

treading you, as a thought, over

while listen to old blues

on the old radio

thinking about putting a lil tom waits in the mix

wishing for an outlet no one i care about sees

twitter on twitter

useless floating past thoughts caught up in dream catchers of time

cure on repeat everything time your in my bed

sleeping a little closer to heaven

for fear of love sifting in thro the cracks like a well trained old ghost

skip on that lost highway of love baby

have you seen him?

shape shifters in the night

shoes laces wrapped around old dying flowers

purple with green eyes of jealousy

has it really come to this

missing those sweet demon'd eyes

paulie draws, shriek types, and jett's peterpan

were a happy family

me, mom, and dad

play that harmonica one more time for me baby

play that sweet old blues to bed

let me wake another day

sweeterness on my lips of lost old sorrows

i just can't seem to let go of

wave of mutilation.

i hear your not doing well and i yearn for you

listening to chelsea hotel #2 feels like for the last time

i'm ready to put this year to bed

it's to perfect for you, my lover of lovers

to move into that bare and empty room

stains on the carpet and the hallway always smells like cooking

i never once heard you say

i need you

i don't need you

i need you

i don't you

you hold on, so tightly

fingers barely touching

and sometimes i almost love you

yearning for him, my poor drunk cowboy

lost out at sea

but he isn't the one that got away

i'm just, worried underneath it all

i'd never say i love you

but the fear of your hatred is growing inside me

it'll all come to close at the same time

starting over in the same place as where i left

i just press the repeat button

go on gaining weight, losing weight

the moon wanes and waxes

what's missing?

is it something i lost or something your missing

sometimes you love me so much

i feel like i'm drowning in your sea of emotion

are we all one big cliché?

am i?

lets go stay in the tower of song for the weekend

and i'll listen to the stranger song back to back with remembering you well

in the chelsea hotel

soon a faded memory, with you locked up inside it

blood on the sink

this isn't about you

let your angry subside

all that fire is gonna burn you up boy

'it keeps me warm'

when he speaks like this you don't know what he's after.

let go and accept it

i was always afraid of drowning

see you soon jeffy boy

*waves*

move on.

that's so easy to say when you on this other side

twittering is so much less pressure than this

and there's more or less people watching

i'm still unsure of that

if i called to fired you but you beat me to the punch

would you still begrudgingly read my blog

the hearing in my right ear is all stuffed up

my landlord wants to come look at my hotel room a week early

what gives

coughing fits in the middle of almost sleeping

time moves in mysterious ways in this house

starting already, never wanting to leave

but maybe it's about something else

that maybe i'll tell you about someday

but from where everyone else is standing

they don't get it, and i kinda like that right now

secrets, surprises, and tickling

it's spring and my head's shaved

money drop offs like some kind of cool gangsters

just estranged lovers

the color of my hair almost matches your eyes

and you pet my head as we walk thro the supermarket

he loves me

i love him not

he loves me not

i love him

he loves me

2012, it's just a ride and 700 dollar deposits

Blizzard of '77

cracked thumbs

forgetting what to say

black squares on the ceiling

wondering if you're thinking about me

one, two, three

in what order you'll never know

i'm afraid for you to hear me singing thro the walls of in

desecration

right arm heart attack

and it never comes out how i'm thinking

sweet pickles, honey, and wondering if you'll buy my ticket

things i'd never buy if i wasn't with you

it all comes out wrong

the life sucked out of it

i don't feel so alone here at home

new steel in my lip

feels funny

the way you look at me

135

and

123

88

it's my birthday soon

and i'm getting sleepy hoping i didn't get you sick

wearing his pants and your muse

tip toe into my dreams and hold me tonight

i can keep a secret if you can

mmm, smells like you

is it bed time yet?

Hi. . .

there's star light in my hallway but i still miss someone

mirrors and pinks, blues, and oranges

the chance at something great

and everyones worried

for they're place in my lovely lonely cold cold heart

we look good together

short/tall/short

theses should be blue but not you

keyholes and the future

keys and the past

and where are you tonight?

you look good in a dress and i'm such a dork

nail beds hurting, along with my foolish pride

you look good in anything when you're smiling

or something like that

crash and burn

those feelings you have for me are like premature ejaculation

it's not saturday yet, and i'm twitterpated

scrap books and hard feelings

undecided beds and remember that time

we were dancing to devochtka and i didn't want you to see that i was crying

over you

my true love, the only one don't you see

i tell you i'm sorry i'm broken as if i won't do it again

and sorry i cracked your cd case

it's never going to be the way you liked it being

scared shitless of someone in the driveway to it end up being you

blue irises every year after that

and who does that?

my room is gonna smell so much like spring tomorrow

i can't hardly wait

plus i'm glad i'm not a guy, cause oh my god that is so annoying

i should soak and then sink into the tranquil sea

. . . bye

piano keys, tapped gently.

you bring everything back to me

everything from shoes that fit to mix tapes

every word seems perfectly crafted to mean what you say

'nothing's perfect'

matching sets left in the closet

train tickets resting peacefully, yearning, next to the green stems in water

something in my room smells like paulie

and how can you tell just by looking at me

or are you playing close attention to everything at hand

may's been deep on my mind

crap apple blossoms and new years to come

blood red: eyes, shoes, and hearts

told you already

they're hugging in my shadow

as i leave myself out in the cold for a hurt all over again

she says we wouldn't be having this conversation

if, he was the right one

it's so good to remember what hurts so badly

as you hand me my overly rip earl grey

tears go streaming like shooting stars

aglow

inside my stomach filled with milk and cookies

is it nothing more than a miss matched perfect pair?

and there i go again using that word

something just doesn't fit right

all sides the same color but one

all tossed up with blues, orange, green, and white (red)

how can you get three sides and still be missing the forth

the end to all ends

pass(t) the looking glass and the holy trinity

he says if he disappears it will all have been a lovely dream

nothing gained, nothing lost

stars are resting on the watery steps of heaven

and don't worry for tonight

you'll lose all over again

and even have a headache in the morning

lucky you

why can't i have my cake and eat it too

all my flowers have odd flower petals

he loves me

he loves me

he loves me

he loves me

to think that i could have it all worked out at twenty is unfair

i know that

but it always feels like i'm so close to seeing all the stars

the night sky has to offer

take these chains from my heart

i don't even know if i love you anymore

it's just like something i'm use to

so i keep doing it

23 on the clock and you call

i don't answer

and now you know how everyone else feels

'is it getting colder in here?'

guess the bowl of warm water didn't help too much

Let Go.

i miss you already

my lilies are still dark and fresh looking

but friday the 13th seems like both a long time ago and a long time away

i've never heard you say my name that sadly

as you lick the tears out of my eyes

i wish twitter's sms worked i'd be hooked

but not as of yet

yesterdays old shirt

tugging on my hood

back and to the right in that awkward way of not wanting to end yet

i can feel my insides twisting and i know it's closer to real

i don't want to be broken still

but i am

half way home now

and i took all of my good records over already

whose gonna help me move now

it's not fair

there's nothing here for you to love so just go away

can't see what it is you'd want with me

and that goes for the two of you

food poisoning legs a fire and

and

i'm gonna miss you looking at me when i wake up next to you

treading water,

you were right

you were right

you were right

newness always fades

even if your jumping from newness to newness

nothing is ever enough as i'm waiting for you to let me

back

in

damn you twitter

you can come get the painting anytime

i'll just be here waiting,

trying to not exist

.Retro. . .

Last night I dreamt about a girl who had barricaded herself inside a room. Tiled ceilings, tiled walls, very much like a dorm shower. She hung near the door, a limbless torso covered in bandages and the tattered remnants of her clothing. Blocking entrance to this room were mirrors, razors, shards of debris, and various other tools for one to incise with. Posted above these utensils of discomfort was a sign that said clearly, "You must look like me to enter", which I took to mean I had to be disfigured in some manner similar to the girl. This, of course, really only works in the dreamworld because without having taken the "necessary steps" to enter the room, I knew what the girl looked like, and what I would have to do in order to gain access. Being one to always try something once, I picked up a razor and began raking it across my back. I do remember making a few slices on my face, one that split my cheek in two because I cut too deeply. What an interesting sensation, to dreamily open and close your mouth while the neatly cut flesh opens and closes like a second pair of lips on your face. After my back looked sufficiently flawed, I was allowed into the cold, dark room. The only source of illumination seemed to be coming from moonlight, but then again, it was a dream. I'm kind of thin on the details like that. I stared at the girl for some time, feeling a very strong sense of pity. She approved of my back as if it were a new tattoo or piercing. I don't remember our interaction particularly well. I know she was sad. And angry. But shortly after I made my way into her cell-like abode, the urge to urinate awoke me around 7 am, and though I closed my eyes with visions of this dream still lingering, once I succumbed to sleep again I dreamt of less memorable things. Least that's how I remember it.

. . . vertigo.

I met the girl of my dreams recently. Unfortunately, she was so much like the girl of my dreams that my experience with her was just as fleeting and mercurial as a dream can often be. I had what I thought was something tangible in my hands, but in a moment it turned to ash.

Monday, February 16, 2009
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You would be feeling pretty good about yourself today, but something from the past continues to tug on your conscience. It's not that you necessarily have any reason to feel guilty, but you want to clear up a possible misunderstanding before moving on. Take care of an unresolved issue as soon as possible so you are ready for what happens next.

Puree'd.

puree
2 entries found.
1puree (noun)
2puree (transitive verb)

Main Entry:
1pu·ree
Variant(s):
or pu·rée \pyu̇-ˈrā, -ˈrē\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
French purée, from Middle French, from feminine of puré, past participle of purer to purify, strain, from Latin purare to purify, from purus
Date:
1707
1 : a paste or thick liquid suspension usually made from cooked food ground finely
2 : a thick soup made of pureed vegetables

letter to nicole.

star opened a lil tiny shop, and i work at her shop! it's like a little apartment studio space, all the walls are different colors and the bathroom in black and white pok-a-dot. i'm on booth rent, so i pay her my rent, but have my own little business inside of hers. it's awesome! i have a lot of the same clients and lots of good new ones, i only have a few i'd like to disappear. :P it's just me a star, so i end up working by myself a lot!

santa fe is santa fe, and my personal life is a mile a minute about to roller coaster somewhere else at the drop of a boy :)

i've got two at the moment. boys that is. yikes.

i'm moving back in with jett for the summer cause my apartment is driving me CRAZY.

what's you new boy like? glad your hours are perfect sorry the clients are kinda blah.

cheers

S

HA!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

You have an opportunity to increase your pleasure and wealth as Venus, the goddess of love, is now in your sign for a rare extended stay for most of the next four months. And although this can certainly be welcome news, you'll need to be careful about overdoing it as you seek material and sensual gratification. However, you still must handle the tension you create by the impact of your idyllic visions. Try not to be disappointed if you cannot reach your dreams right away.

Dear Alcohol, I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel.

jon caro's christmas gift to me



came from the house. i think i did a shot of it one night. blah.



made dinner with ethan. we drank the whole bottle. he amused me by doing anything i ask him to that night.



ethan made me banana fosters! kyle drank the rest of the bottle lil by lil every time he came over.



cory drank the whole bottle slowly by himself, every time he came over and we talked in bed.



playing poker went half way gone. the other half the first night kyle and i talked on myspace. cory came to save me from myself. or something.



kyle's, brought it over first or second time we hung out.




red corset. blue bicycle. green beans. black out drunk and you seemed to enjoy it. i got high for the first time the next day. the bathroom smelled like vomit for days. i texed ahmed ' i threw up on your pillow' and he replied ' that's actually really funny right now'.



i finished this whole bottle by myself, with a shit ton of coke. playing dare with cory and dylan. way, way, way too much fun. black out a lil bit right at the end in cory's bed. he filled in the fuzzy spots the next morning.



white russians with ahmed. kyle finished the bottle.



conrad. kit. dyami. only i think that was between two bottles.

broken flowers.

i feel alone in your touch

asleep on your couch

in your arms of long past wishes and dreams

like a fish squirming to get free

thanks i had forgotten i love you

stars, broken flowers and not knowing

what to happen next

who am i doing, what am i doing?

and 'do you like to play pool?'

fears of the dark

shadows shaping shifting in my mind

piano strings and cake

raspberries and coconut milk

i need a knife thrower

or maybe just a dark cave to hind in

you made my heart swell like the little velveteen rabbit

watching your star reflected in blues and green

accidently starting to cry hoping no one notices in the dark

it comes out all wrong

forget i said anything

and i give up to soon

again

the's, for now.

lover affairs
no. 2 pencils
secrets
pool
ice cream
bruised cheek bones
arms
cornered against the heater
bart
beirut
which you don't like
stars
home
falling asleep
sometimes
on the couch
playing chase
christmas eve
ginger cancels
i mean candles
measuring eyelashes
goodbye orion
riding crops
disappearing acts
bandaged broken hearts
and
cold cold hearts
if only for a lil while
and the old fashion way
first
trading stars for jackets
23
test drives
and
crashandburn
romeandjuliet
Rowing to the Moon
Goodnight Serena
The Tranquil Sea
past
future
present
kissing bloody shoulders
green
anything else i'm missing?
oh, wrestling
cinnamon gum
ginger
and the smell,
the moment before,
you walk into a candy store

what is the past tense of fleeting.

going-going-gone.

cleaning my room.

i miss you. please call me.

all encompassing. breathtaking.

everything's gone grey again

as i'm wearing your jacket and shirt

thinking of what you said over stop signs and portishead lyrics

falling and pulling

why do i always fall for the most unlikely/likely people

are you reading this do you miss me, should i call you, do i miss you

your jacket smells like cinnamon

and time skips into the past as i open the floodgate of time

to when times were sadder and i was younger

lost my only love and didn't know what to do

it doesn't make any sense

and maybe amanda is wrong

love is still blind

i'll break yours

and i'm so sorry i didn't mean to do this to you

even tho i told you it would happen

sleeping in a pea pod made for two very short people

and the earth fades away

and all thats left is two people spinning

i was planing this i didn't expect it

and i'm trying to remember what you told me she was like

i saw stars and everything is so fleeting

strawberry ice cream photos in blue and stopping in the shadows to kiss you

voluptuous was in there somewhere too

Friday, 23 January, 2009
Aries (12 Mar - 19 Apr)
You are doing a bit of a balancing act now that the serious Moon in Capricorn reminds you of your obligations. This might bring you back down to the ground, but you aren't willing to let go of your high hopes for a brighter tomorrow. Be cautiously optimistic, as long as you feel the tension of the tightrope that is stretched between your past commitments and your future goals.

silent vacuum.

you lips shakes and you bite your mouth

your eyes always look like they are pouting

strawberry ice cream, photo booth, and the airport

russian blues, bart, and green circles

barber cut shaves, sore left shoulders

things that should have been or are yet to come

the moon, and everything else i can't have

just running scared

the way you look when i wake up in the morning,

and your still holding me

chasing you thro the red door into self enlightenment

distractions, bowling and french fires

secret for secrets

your virginity, my cold cold heart,rowing to the moon

and all the good night serena's

can i hold my little fists on

things i miss about you

the way you always say good morning beautiful

the way you ask me if i need anything

your road rage

glasses of water in plastic cups, even tho i hate plastic cups

boom swagger boom, and cherry cola

mr show

mawh

jim bean and pbr

the way you ask me 'did you?'

the way you bite your lip at me when i please you or make you excited

the way you smell me

your smell

when you sing to me

when you play the steering wheel

the way you know i'm always right

mostly

the way you ask me if i want anything and when i say no you ask 'are you sure?'

the way you kiss me, wow

coming to see you on your lunch break

and how fast you walked to your car

the way you smoke and always squeeze my neck too hard

the way you towel dry yourself

hawk lugees

and

most everything

the way you say 'mmm'

when you ask me if that was okay, or if i liked that

you trying to show me how to play guitar

jeff buckley

dollface

your sense of humor

how much you love me

the way you spank me anytime i walk away from you

your sleepy blue eyes

little girls

i just wiped my nose on your tee shirt, i'm sorry

the way you say 'sweat'

the way you tell me your just kidding with an awww doll before it

they way you, ya know all those things,

i really miss all that

the way you bowl

your jacked up shoes laces

and

broken glasses

. . . .

i'm sorry