good day.

brought to you by Timothy La lane FitzGerald

heroin.e.

maybe i am learning things

i just don't know it

somethings changed again

and i knew that the life i was returning to was not the life i left

and nor will it be if we ever come back to one another

things let slide around me that you don't mean to say

and like duh we are going up there

it's the only place to go, to see

a map, a birds i view

talk of her light colored nipples

five bucks

walking to close to each other

and jack daniel's

i'm good at being whatever you need me to be

and your confusing already

' this is my favorite part'



she skips down the steps and sits on top of my head

wondering why i don't look at her the same way anymore

have i lost all love for the great unknown

and my place in it

i've become like her in so many ways

and yet so far from her in so many others

is that you?

no, unless you missed the house

again

i can feel it

this is gonna be a good one

'tell me why. . .'

/ 04 28 08 /

i'm in so much trouble.

paper, tape, Withnail

& I

i wonder how you are.

why do i always think the worst of people

that all they are going to do is hurt me

tear into to me as hard as i tear into myself and them

i have nightmares and restless sleep

and letters from my best friends when i wake up

my little life got a little more complicated yesterday

i'd say those words back to you

i always wanna kiss first

they always say ' i love you first '

it's not that i don't

it's just that

i love you

and i'm in love with you

see there's a difference

like being punk

and being punk rock

big difference

i wish i could learn to relate to everyone

is the nice, human way your are supposed to

but then again as we like to joke

i was raised by wolfs

every time i've lost hope in myself

and the world around me

someone makes me cry in the best way possable

and just for that short moment

my true colors shine

There are no dictionary entries for arc lab, but arc, lab are spelled correctly.

4:29

when it comes to shitty breakup music nothing beats the killers

i can't sleep at night

and i won't eat a bite

i'm on the joy division diet

i got all fat in seattle, but you say you like

like everything

is this going to get easier or harder

hurt used and abused

are three words that don't fit me

i have no emotions

i am a robot floating thro space

looking for which way is up

smile like you mean it

and if the answer is no

can i change your mind

glass in my bed

and spoon tattoos

i needed a reason to return so badly

and now all i have is dirty sheets

and feeling i need to tell you all about it

"i'm coming home with you tonight"

i think i defend from the same side i strike from

which would clear up the question of why i can't get a good hit in

i really hope you can't laugh at me

will you drive me?

smile

i was so drunk that night

. . . . . .

found my next boy tonight

his not from here

covered in tattoos

shave head

and i think jett caught me looking at him

change the music

hold on

" how'd you rude and reckless?"

what's next

morning after the night after

and i've never been dumped before

should i let you read this?

i hate myself

i gave myself

i have myself

i gate myself

i gaud myself

why am i so useless at all this?

can't do with you

can't do it with out you

she sounds perfect for you

like the girl i always wanted to be

you're from the ocean

and i'm from the desert

" she dresses like a prostitute

has a short temporary

is covered in scars

and chain smokes"

'and she's your girlfriend'

"and i think i like her"

kick me to the ground and you know i like it so much

that's why you don't do it that often

"i never got over you"

'i know'

it's not heart of stone anymore

but i don't know what it is yet

"i knew i'd fall of you"

how is it that i'm clever enough to play the cards so that i get hurt

'can i still call you sailor?'

i'm tried and bitter

' guess i was right about that one'

' do you think i'm special?'

'look at me'

goodbye kisses are never like hello kisses

" if i didn't think you were special i wouldn't be crying into my hat"

'i miss you'

i always have to have the last word

memory is a stalking horse

tuesday july 22nd, 2:25

remember when i said it mattered how hard you put me down

well, this makes me feel a little rough.

to say your something special might be an over statement

but, i did like you enough that i didn't want you to treat me this way

knowing it would happen again

look myself in the mirror and promised i wouldn't care

i'm almost home now, and almost okay with it

trying to let myself have these feelings so your not another tyrrell

and we can actually be friends

instead of me secertly wishing to rip you face off while she looks away

try to type as i look out the window at the planes coming in and out

teenage boys cum so quickly

i think it's the only thing that men learn to control

ejaculation

the less a boy cums the more i like him

g/e/ took for fucking ever i thought my hand was gonna fall off

that plane looks like a fish

but on the over hand,

i've never fucking seen a boy shoots cum that far before!

i mean like for reall! it got in his hair and everything!

i keep a close watch on this heart of mine

i promise give me a week and you can even bring her over to my house

i like you don't take it the wrong way i

just can't be the cattle you wanna put your brand on

i never even fell for you

skip right from the first love gut falling out feeling to

drifting apart long time lovers

you say like too much

i like you way too much

wait okay let me remember

option one:

DTMFA

option two :

stay and get hurt

option three:

stay knowing it's gonna happen agian

and not fucking care

i told you there was no third option

you and i are just substitutes

i was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth

god this music video like totally sucks

fade away

and see who comes into the darkness for me

i bet it's not who you think

and he says i have to do it on my own

maybe it's not his choice it's mine

should i dump him before he can ever dump me

?

is that what i did to you

it's not that i even like what i write

i just like the way it feels to let my hands float

over the keybroad and jab at keys now and then

why do we get goose bumps not only when we are cold

but when something

...tickles us in just the right way

i was the coldest most heartless bitch the world had seen that day

i'm sure that's not true but i like to think about it that way

the hallway in the ace hotel smells like my first summer.

fuck it.

i hate all of you.

stop reading my blog.

it's useless and full of shit.

flavor of the week

is it me or her looking up at you

i hate everything about myself these days

want a total redo

everything from my hair to my shoes to the boys i like

i go out of town and we all play

don't mind me i'm just relapsing into having feels

i assure you it will pass

what a fucking loser

and why does cory remember my name to match my face

if i were a teenage dirt bag baby. . .

i knew there was no third option

i guess i just have to think about it being the end of pretty in pink

the only way i could handle it was knowing that

blaine would break her heart and

duckie would be the shoulder to cry on

why can't i be the one with the hot mouth?

i needed someone new. . . (no wait. come on.)

. . . to dislike and taste

there's a reason i dated you

more over these a reason i never had a teenage boyfriend

it's pathetic when people turn out to be just like you thought they would be

i'll just learn to stop listening to solvent when i make out with boys

my mouth tastes like metal, and you kiss like a girl

i liked you better when i was shy

we've found your replacement and he ups you, in cuteness and in prick hood

i need someone to love or hate to write about

and with my heart of stone in my mouth i don't feel much of anything

it's what i've told everyone

it doesn't matter if you make the top five if you stay on it

only one thing stays above the top five

would you be the same?

even you?

he adds 'and you had a boyfriend'

yeah yeah

you still wouldn't be a good

shmail

leave the door open

and don't let it hit you on the way out

boring

but i like your voice

and i regret nothing

unless it's between you and me

and that one other thing

all's fair in love and war

they should be the same word

and me the king of the world

who will i be today

dark or light

regret or rejoice

myself or another fairy tale to tuck you in

i'm glad your friends don't like me

all the more for me

it' hard to feel like you used someone instead of the other way around

when you didn't get much from them

it's not true you were perfect

and just want i needed

he looks around the corner at me

and i ask ' i thought you liked banksy'

you should of know better

but don't worried i'll just ad you to the list of boys

that see me as the naked 19 year old girl on the floor

you, however do not make that top five

or come even close

damn it my sheets are dirty all over again

07/11/08

i counted wrong.

301

double rubber bands

and endless rejection

skin grows over my eyelids

and maybe your critique of aries is true

my gums bleed, and i pick my nail polish over you

sleeping beauty, peter pan, and the velveteen rabbit

i should be listening to this on vinyl

a moth landed on me tonight

i took it in my hand and as it walked over my

fingers i couldn't feel it's weight resting on me

unlike your heavy heart in my hand

are you just another accident along the lost highway of doubt and kisses

you hold me as i cry, take a shower, and turn your head away

you are always on my mind

and where as i can't kiss him if i'm thinking about the other

you are always in my mind

it's part of my desire for metal to fill my mouth

i get skinny, come back, get fat

stable suicide, worms, and it's your promise ring

i hate the way i sound

nothing is true

everything is permanent

dream me to kauai

will you come with me?

or do i need a corpse to make my crazy love true