Friday, December 28, 2007

lost dream time!

now with more crazy!



people dressed as wookies outside an old movie theater. they are rolling up huge snowballs. the streets are all muddy.

dream from 12 23 07

* being in the front yard of my parents house. only they live on don gaspar street. the front yard has lush green grass in it. and a
back stone walk way. there's all these strange things floating in the air. like art pieces or something? i walk into the house thinking i'm going to fix the yard up so that zack likes it but i'm going to have to wait till next year.

* going somewhere and there's this kid there that is like a friend of my brother's? maybe? he's a cross between sophie's brother



and the kid in knocked up that i think is cute.



is he selling comics?



i give him my phone number and tell him that he should call me and we should hang out. is the same place i'm in a dark corner, about to kiss someone? who is it?



* seeing jared only, he is in josh's body. i don't find him cute cause his got this wooly beard. ( only i think i was cause he looked like josh) i have the cube from hell raiser. it's like an eletric shaver i brought it for him.

* i'm missing something, what is it?

while i'm dreaming i'm thinking about jared. my scarf smells like him.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

dream post 16th pre 18th



* starting to go for a walk near my parents house. it's cold. it's like a little swamp. moss is hanging from trees, and there's bright colored leave resting on the face of the water. the sky is a soft pink glow. there's little pathways in between the water. it reminds me of the japanese gardens in portland. there's couple walking near me. i'm getting a massage in a few hours i decide that i can't go for a walk cause i'll be stressing the whole time about being late for my appointment. a little later i'm getting a ride to ten thousand waves from these old people. jett was going to drive me, but couldn't for some reason. so i get stuck with these geezers. the man who's driving looks like the creep in slither. Michael Rooker. he is driving around in circles downtown! near my work. i'm trying to tell him that i know how to get there and if he'd only listen that we could get there. he wont pay me any attention. i'm becoming increseingly late for my relaxation. i go berserk! i start yelling and screaming at the old bird. i call him every name in the book and try to impress upon him how fucking stupid he is. why is he even driving me? they aint from around here. i'm so angry i could pop an eyeball. finally when we are near the old location of the comic book store i convince him to let me out so i can walk back to work. he agrees it might be better if i walk back. ( he has no idea where blue monkey is!) the old comic book building is filled with nifty shops. this includes the building on the corner. i'm still enraged, and don't go into any of the clothing shops.

i've never experienced so much hatred in a dream before. i understand that i'm mad at the man for not listening to me. that it's so simple and he won't shut the fuck up and drive. but why in the dream, am i not angry at jett for not driving me? is he not supposed to? do i just assume that in waking life? who's fault is it really? is it mine for leaning on other people for help?



* being in a movie theater, the movie has just ended and people are getting up and leaving. many people are talking to each other. who am i there with? the theater doesn't have any slop to it at all. there's this kid a few rows ahead of me with an old fashioned camera. his trying to hide that he's taking photos of me. he does this by trying to stay low. he is also trying to make it look like he's taking photos of the people around me. he keeps slithering over seats coming closer to me. i'm looking away, pretending not to notice. when he is sitting in the seat directly in front of me. i turn to him and say ' you can take my picture if you want' he smiles at me in shock. i try to give him my number, but numbers make less sense when you are dreaming. his mother is behind me. they are french, and have a phone that can only be called with a french area code, yet it's in town. so, i'm wanting him to call me. i'm also kinda trying to see if this is okay with his mom. he's like my age or a little bit younger. he's really cute. i think i'm smitten with him.

it's interesting to have two dreams in the same night that give two completely different feelings. in the first dream i'm mad as hell. in the second one, it's all i've been wishing for. this magical boy that wants to adore me.



* i'm in a porn shop. the back in filled with exotic amfibinans. there's a bunch of snake or eel heads in a basket. they are black and scaly. they are looking at me. what happens?


Sunday, December 23, 2007

dream from 12 16 07



* dreaming about this boy liking me. we are in this strange indoor utopian suburbia. i'm going into someone's house. someone i like, who likes me? david mcdonald is sitting behind me playing with something. is it a stuffed animal? whatever it is, he is tossing it lightly in the air so it somersaults around. i give him the eye and then he keeps looking at me in, THAT way. who are the other boys that like me in this dream? who's house am i going into?

* in the mall near some chinese store. jett walks out of the store with something to show me. the girl inside the store comes out and bitches at me. i put my mouth in my foot. i mean my foot in my mouth. i guess i thought the store was supposed to be cooler than it was. so i tell her that. then she goes off about how nice the stuff in the store is. i try to calm her down by saying it's very nice, i was just expecting more. the store is called 'crush'. ( that was the name of the old store next to evolution, which is funny, cause, well read on.) we go upstairs and now i'm with poaulie or michelle. evolution is in the mall, and it's huge. we are there too late and they look closed. but the cute desk girl opens the door and lets us in. noah or the girl start showing us this freaky glowing liquid inclosed in glass or plastic. apparently you can spell things with the two different colors flowing around each other. are they ear rings or something you implant underneath you skin? this i when jett elbows me and i wake up.



* being on carpeted stairs, in an empty room? what's the room like? there's this soft pink light. i'm on the stairs with jett he brushes my lips with his thumb. he's not wearing a shirt, i wanna jump him. there is a strong sensual energy between us.

*butterflying my legs for jett. touching? wanted touch?

*being chased by a too skinny girl in a pinkish 80's prom dress. i'm making fun of her cause she's way too skinny. she's like a witch or something. she's on my heels, yet can't get me.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Monday, December 17, 2007

ummm...yeah. don't read this if your my mother.


recently i've had a dark mood about me. i think it's a UK saying. it appears that i'm not the only confirming, ahem, confronting dark shadows in my path. last week i did this clients hair. i've done his hair before. he and his wife were friends with my parents when i was really little. like 6,7 or so. the first time i did his hair it was a great comfort to know that i wasn't crazy when i was a child; that in fact my parents were, let's say, slightly inattentive. it wasn't my mom's fault, let's just leave it at that. any-who, now and when i was young i always sort of saw this dark, mysterious side of this guy. this past time i cut his hair i realized how much more excepting of my parents, especially my father i am.

this newest discussion opened up a book that i had been eyeing. maybe it's the fact that i mentioned that i was blue that lead him to let a raw side of himself out. have you ever wanted to take someone away from their life and save them, without being looking like the secretary? if you know what i mean. is it strange to say i had an interest in this guy when i was like, a kid? the real big question is: does he have a thing for me now? why do i get the feeling he does? should it creep me out? it doesn't. like really doesn't. the fact that it doesn't make me unnevered, makes me unnerved. i remember him getting ragged on, and me feeling like he was in the right. he was doing the same thing my father did, and yet i took his side. was it that he was in his twenties? i knew he wasn't ready, why didn't he. i think they thought they were getting a puppy. so, now what, is he wishing for something else in life. he seems miserable. it's those light blue eyes looking thro my soul.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

i hate you.



maybe baby i'll have you. yeah right, you won't give me the time of day. maybe you will love me someday. i hate all of you. you are the one that makes me glad and you are the one that makes me sad. it's not your fault that you're all so stupid. i want you around. is it my hair? you've heard that i'm no good. is it the way you're like so much smarter than i am? you know if it comes true, i'll be so good too you. so what is it exactly? is it the same reason i watched stupid tv in high school. i remember you well in the chelsea hotel. or at least i remember it in my head. given you head on the unmade bed. why do i look to you to make me whole. that was called love. how do i know? are you that simple. i don't need you. if i can predicated your next move? i don't mean to suggest that i loved you the best. if i can't, well then that's a whole different story. i've got your picture that you gave to me. i want something new. i've got your picture she's got you. something new doesn't want me tho. the only thing different, the only thing new. i wanna hit poaulie . i've got your class ring. and yet i confided in him more than. . . baby baby boy you bug me bad. i've lost control, again. i just want a lover like any other, what do i get? episodes of my so called life and the oc, now i'm desperate. i'm in distress i need a caress
. i'm gonna hurt you. if you've got leaving on your mind.

Friday, December 14, 2007

dream from 12 13 07



* i'm at a house party. is it the end of the world? there's a tornado outside, next to the bus i think. is it ethan's house? the tornado is kinda like the tornado in the rage 2.

lost dream post 12 05 pre 12 13

* i'm in some house. slightly underground. light is streaming in the windows, but the windows are at ground level. the place is very clean, the walls lined with bookcases and dusty books. on a low table there are two pirate belt buckles for sale. one is really large, the other is smaller. they are both hand made one by a girl the other by a boy. the girl's is cooler. weird old hippy people run the joint. there are also tins with etching on them. i think i'm there with ethan. something else happens. are we in portland?

*there's another strange dream around time that i was i remember.

dream from 12 05 07



* the salon is a mess. i come into work and everyone is going hair in the dark. i flick on the lights and am like 'what the fuck are you doing hair in the dark for?'

* i'm doing a client's hair she's kinda a cross between aleta and my sister. we get into a brawl and there's much hair pulling. she leaves thro the back door. when she leaves she's a cross between sharon porter and stephanie burns. she doesn't pay me, which i'm a little pissed about. but on the other hand i did pull her hair. and call her a bitch.



*i'm staying at the travel lodge. driving around the parking lot, looking at how dirty it is.

* i come into work and all our stations are in the bathroom. without any mirrors. i'm disgruntled. a little later someone is explaining to me that all the stations have been moved into different rooms. 'we' i think, i might be alone, go walking thro this extravagant hotel. one of the stations is in cozy room with a couch and a mirror. the rooms it filled with cut flowers. the lights are low and there's a fire going. i walk out of the room. in the next room is another couch. this one has ugly new mexico patterns on it, in the dream for some reason i like it more. the last room is huge and open with an almost 360 view of mountains. there is a huge easel step up, which i think of as my mirror for some reason. i realize that i don't want this to be my work i want it to be my studio. they're lots of like booths in the room with crafty stuff. i think i want to buy something at one of them. i get totally distracted and start shopping. why do i want to buy shit when i could be cutting hair, or making art? or writing even!

dream from 12 04 07



* throwing up a lot. santa fe is all funky and all the streets meet up in bizarre places. there are tons of trees too. i can't stop puking. i try to wake myself up, but it doesn't work. i tell jett whom i call 'zack' to pull over on what would be alameda, but is to small. trying to make it with some girl? maybe?

dream from 12 03 07


* i'm trying on all these cool old dresses. they are mine but none of them fit, so i'm passing them off to sophie. there are all these freaky little spider monsters that start out as cockroaches. i think i try to drown them in the bathtub. they have no eyes but over sized brains that take up the whole upper half of their heads. their teeth are sharp and endlessly chomping at the air.

* jett is playing with me and buzzcocks in my old bed. he goes off to the restroom. i follow. buzzcock's motor still running. i decide that i'm done and what to go back into the other room. the buzzcock is still plugged in the other room. i'm worried that zack will see me walk back into the other room. i pack up all my toys, thinking i can't wait to live with jett. then i realize that i already do.

dream from 12 02 07



* ethan and



jett are shape shifting at thanksgiving dinner. at first i think that it's just ethan with me at my parent's house. then i realize that it was jett disguised as ethan? maybe that's not even true. problem is. . . my parents hate jett and not ethan. which is why 'ethan' is at dinner i the first place. but you see ethan wont kiss on me and jett will. at one point i'm leaning over the sink topless talking to ethan. trying to understand why he doesn't like me ( hello, i'm topless) he turns into jett and gives me a kiss on the cheek. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!

*trying not to throw up while waking up, near the shampoo bowls. going out into the parking lot to chat with john and nicole. there's a sign over the back entrance. it's in the McDonald's playland sign, lettering. it reads 'ethan' oi!



* jacob returns. hugs all around. i hug him even tho i don't want to. he seems to have filled out a little bit. his more of a man.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

dream from 12 01 07


i don’t remember this dream, this is just recalled from what i wrote, well i remember some of it.

i’m in a strange place trying on clothing in stalls. leaving for new mexico. gonna change my pants before i leave. but then
there's this guy sitting in the stall with me. are there a bunch of people in a lecture or something outside the stall. is it a
holding place for kids, or a cult maybe? in some other part of the building kate gives me some really fancy face soap.
you put some in a basin and run water on it. it’s like a bubble bath in a basin. i take some of the large bubbles and start to
wash my face with them. i can’t breathe thro the bubbles. there’s a house across the street that has something to do
with the one that i’m in. it reminds me of absolute beginners. when victor and alan tape bleu taking a bath. in my book i have
written ‘ am i in detention? is that when there’s a boy in the stall with me? what’s going on in this strange house?

my life was restless worrying about work, thinking about tonight and tattoos.

dream from 11 30 07

what did i dream last night. i've been slaking so i'm trying to remember a bunch of different dreams. last nights got lost by the way side. wait it's coming back.

i have an incurable disease. like ian.



smoking weed but it has mushrooms in it. i'm hanging out with an old fart, in train car?



am i topless?



i think he's a little cute. ( is it the drugs? ) i gonna have to go thro kimo.



flying on the corner of water and sandoval. flapping my arms till i start to float. ( i have a tummy ache at the moment) thinking about how i dreamt about flying recently, but didn't remember. something else happen near or in the train but what?

dream from 11 28 07

there’s this part of santa fe that’s new and different. it’s like portland and denver all schmoochlled toghether. i've dreamt
about this place before. once when i was a little kid, then again later in life. when i was a little child and had the dream i
remember the church being important. it’s in the northwest part of town. you have to go over the river to get to it. like in
austin. i'm hanging out in the part with tons of little shops and cafes. paul and jett are with me. as we are returing to normal
santa fe there are huge sky scrapers and lots of open space. i love this dream. this secert part of town, over the river. i
wish it was real.

dream from 11 27 07

horseback riding thro strange tropical valleys. only me and the horse are floating in air. it’s like a
desert, only with crystal clear water.

buying cigarettes in a funky store. the cloves that i’m buying look like they’ve been hand rolled. hand rolled very badly. they
are large with little bits of tobacco
Tabasco falling out. ethan tex me. underneath the little e envelope with wings is the word myths.
is ethan’s name even at the top like in real life. do i just physically know that it’s him. i’m excited, and yet never open fill
open the phone to read it. what does it mean,. the word mythos in relation to ethan. ( had i posted this close to having
the dream i guess i would have less of an idea of what it meant. as it is, ethan is sitting next to me at backroad. it’s
strange to be directly write about someone when they are in the same room with them. but seeing that i have a sophie
size crush on him, and he doesn’t really care; the whole mythos thingy makes more sense. i guess. )

i’m in this mall kinda. it’s indoor, with low ceilings and bad lighting. it reminds me of gameco in de vargas mall. the stores
are cool tho. it’s like 13th ave in denver. the mall is near the ocean, or maybe a bay. sophie and elizabeth come to get me.
( elizabeth is this girl that i knew as a young kid.) i forget something in the mall that i had gotten from the ‘pearl bakery’
(which is in portland, or ) in the dream there’s a flash back to me being in the cafe. i go thro the backdoor into the bakery
which is up some stairs on the outside of the building. has elizabeth lost something too?

did i dream something before all this?

paulie being late to work.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Thursday, December 6, 2007

dream from 11 19 07

so i forgot to post this, cause let's face it it needs a lot of rewriting. enjoy making sense of it!

actually dreaming in portland for the first time.

trying to do judy berger's hair in my mother's kitchen while simultaneously cooking something. the peanut gallery sits in the computer room taking about them self's and making up lame excuses for why they never invite me to anything. who's side is star on?

guess i'm the only lady in the house cause when there's some other women in my house i'm a total bitch to her. i say that i thought she was someone else, but i don't know that in my heart of hearts if that's true. jett being mad at me cause i fucked up. is she lana? who did i really offend.

youngest son. porn. trying to kiss on. brother in law? takes out a golf puck set's my hand on it and takes a red croquet ball bashing my hand. one thrust and i'm screaming. i pull my hand away there's nothing wrong with it. nipple pinching. parental unit's rush in.

strange place with star. takkun in bad health. bicycling toward hospital.

back in santa fe, they are trying to put something up near ej martinez. railroad? it's totally been bombed. trying to push my bike. with someone else. construction men making fun of me.

get to the camp. going on a long journey. kids with dreads gonna leave my mine (dreads) with them. cute really young kid, nothing. slightly older boy? anything happen?


eddie izzard like older guy who wants me. (sadly in the dream he looks like the picture above instead of the picture below)



sitting on his lap in clear view from women. same women? he scoots back with me on his lap. kissing move toward the bed. i tell him i'm not gonna fuck him. he gets mad, head goes back. eye's don't match up. sign of the devil? saying i'm leaving for my journey and he says that he'll see me on my way. i must go on the trip naked. bag all packed trying to collect huge scarf like blanket. sophie telling me that, that guy is a total prick. we are in a soda shop diner thing. he comes and talks to me. about what?

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

dream from 11 26 07


* i'm in a little tiny town. it's kinda like santa fe, i think i'm in the past. me and my "boyfriend" run up to this old building and peer in the windows. (for some reason i can see myself doing this ) there's a fair or something going on all around us. somehow i get in the building and am separated from my "boyfriend" . i'm underground, in some sort of insane asylum? everyone is deformed/ dead maybe? it's hard to explain, it was like watching a horror movie only i was in it, and everything was real. very real.



i'm in this hallway with this guy who looks like he was cut into three sections then sown back together. only who ever sowed him back together didn't do a very good job. he's like my guide to this freaky dystopia. there's tons of creatures about i can only remember a few in particular. there's a little girl, or baby doll with her eyes missing. she's running around screaming, she's dead. the other one is a person, male, with amorphous blobs for hands that shapeshift. he can also will them to come off in little doughy bits to hit people with. it's like a hospital filled with horrible smells and dim lighting. i'm terrified, i want to leave. i'm not being held or anything i could leave, something/someone is stopping me? or is it just me? i wont let myself leave? later in the dream i'm back outside, but it's like i'm having a flash back or something. i'm not actually free.

this is all wrapped up in a dream about staying with sophie and trying to go home, but missing my flight or something. i'm staying with both of her parents and her. only i never see her father. ( who isn't alive anymore, in real life, he was really cool) i think i miss my flight or something, maybe i never had a flight booked home? the airport and her house have a strange feel to them. like the carnival and underground ward.

jett and i did this comic about his friend sam. sam became paralyzed from the waist down temporarily. while he was in the hospital he had a dream. our dreams share in many aspects.

dream from 11 25 07



* strange setting, traveling? ( yeah i don't know what that means either, it was just written in my book.)

me: did you sleep okay?
ethan: no, ( something about the mattress)
me : i couldn't sleep either. dreaming about you, more like nocturnal freighting.

Monday, December 3, 2007

dream from 11 23 07

* dreaming fucked up dreams about work. nicole has lowered my hours to part time, 20 hours a week. when i'm like, what the fuck? she raises them to 28. gee thanks! later in the dream i'm working at john's station. he's working at mine. i suggest that we trade. so we do. my next client is the person that john just did. i'm recutting her hair, her perimeter is all jacked up. she wants me to wash her and restyle her i think. yeah right.
* dreaming that i have a long lost message from caroline on my cell phone. i can't make out what she's saying, all i know is that she wants me to fix her hair. (john did her hair in real life a few weeks ago. it looked like shit. sorry, but it did. )

lost dream



* i dreamt buster keaton was being replaced or covered up!

dream from 11 20 07



* i'm making out with jett on a bed. jett has an emo boy haircut. we have some sort of strange communication, semi spat.

* i'm at a rave or a dance, something of the sort. my hair is long and white and kinky. it looks like willow's hair. i think it's post party. i'm sad cause i've taken out my extentions and now have this silly white hair. i look in the mirror and realize that my extentions are still in. they're just undreaded and bleached. they have this strange light green/ pink tint to them.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

dream from 11 18 07

lots of stuff happens in this dream but this is the only thing that i remember clearly.

*paul sitting on a low wall, hugging me. it's a long tender sort of hug. i touch the back of his neck.

Monday, November 19, 2007

dream from 11 16 07



sleeping on sophie's floor air mattress going down slowly.

* dreaming about sophie and this strange new place that i'm in that i've never been before. mixed into the dream is nicole and work and all that shityness. something about the way i was on the air mattress, and the deflating, my brain kept thinking that a cat was getting on/off the bed. funky huh?

dream from 11 14 07


things happen before that i can't remember.

* pauolie jett and i are sitting in this gallery space. ethan walks thro the front door. he wants to burn a cd. i walk with him to the back of the artless gallery. ehtan's physical form changes, but he stays the same person. he turns into a cross between jon/max. he hugs gives me a half hug first, then a full hug. he gives me a kiss and tells me he'll call me tonight so we can talk about hanging out. he explains that he can't call me at work b/c there's something fishy going on with a girl he works with. he's acting like he has to call me in secret. is she his girlfriend/wife/secretary? waking up disappointed.

dream from 11 13 07



*jake reading in sunroom. his shirt is open, in the dream he has a very hairy chest.

what else happens in this dream? why do i dream such freaky shit.

dream from 11 11 07

* i'm trying to decide if i'm going to rent a room from this guy. the room is tiny but it's a good deal. he reminds me of john's friend. the room is kinda in a business. is it in a salon?

*jett and i are going to have a lust filled shower, colleen is there. jett spins me round in some sort of foreplay. we are in a strange little room with a shower to our left. there's a bunch of vibrators and neckties and other silly things on the bed. we don't end up having sex cause jett is dicking around. is colleen invited or is she just taking a shower. do lots of people show up?

* i'm in high school. i don't always take the bus, but i do on this day. when i discover that ethan drives the bus that i'd take, i decide that i should ride the bus more often. instead of taking me home the bus goes to de vargas. at the mall is another bus in the south east parking lot. the bus doesn't move it stays there, it's like a hang out place. in the bus are a bunch neo hippie goth punks. everyone wearing clothing with skulls and bones on it. gail and sialia are on the bus. sialia's has a skull painted on her face, it looks really ghetto. gail and i wink at each other. gail first.



ehtan parks the bus on its side. i find a strange lighter in the bus. it's like a spark plug/zippo. i take it and show it to someone near by, paul and jett? i think one or the other of them says something about having one kinda like it.





* racine is at gail and zack's house. gail and i are playing inside with racine. zack is outside yelling and babbling really loudly. i step outside to see what's up. zack's carrying on. spouting crazy talk to a committee sitting around him in a large circle. i walk inside shaking my head. i explain to gail and sialia (who just showed up) that it's louder inside than out. and that zack impermeable. 'use you indoor voice' sia and i joke. racine has gone to bed since i've been outside. i'm sad. i wanted to hang out with her more. she's sleeping in my old room. is there rope tried around the door? john leaves to get indian food. did i want to go with him? do i go with him?



when you wake up to joy division, you think the world is ending.