Let Go.

i miss you already

my lilies are still dark and fresh looking

but friday the 13th seems like both a long time ago and a long time away

i've never heard you say my name that sadly

as you lick the tears out of my eyes

i wish twitter's sms worked i'd be hooked

but not as of yet

yesterdays old shirt

tugging on my hood

back and to the right in that awkward way of not wanting to end yet

i can feel my insides twisting and i know it's closer to real

i don't want to be broken still

but i am

half way home now

and i took all of my good records over already

whose gonna help me move now

it's not fair

there's nothing here for you to love so just go away

can't see what it is you'd want with me

and that goes for the two of you

food poisoning legs a fire and

and

i'm gonna miss you looking at me when i wake up next to you

treading water,

you were right

you were right

you were right

newness always fades

even if your jumping from newness to newness

nothing is ever enough as i'm waiting for you to let me

back

in

damn you twitter

you can come get the painting anytime

i'll just be here waiting,

trying to not exist

.Retro. . .

Last night I dreamt about a girl who had barricaded herself inside a room. Tiled ceilings, tiled walls, very much like a dorm shower. She hung near the door, a limbless torso covered in bandages and the tattered remnants of her clothing. Blocking entrance to this room were mirrors, razors, shards of debris, and various other tools for one to incise with. Posted above these utensils of discomfort was a sign that said clearly, "You must look like me to enter", which I took to mean I had to be disfigured in some manner similar to the girl. This, of course, really only works in the dreamworld because without having taken the "necessary steps" to enter the room, I knew what the girl looked like, and what I would have to do in order to gain access. Being one to always try something once, I picked up a razor and began raking it across my back. I do remember making a few slices on my face, one that split my cheek in two because I cut too deeply. What an interesting sensation, to dreamily open and close your mouth while the neatly cut flesh opens and closes like a second pair of lips on your face. After my back looked sufficiently flawed, I was allowed into the cold, dark room. The only source of illumination seemed to be coming from moonlight, but then again, it was a dream. I'm kind of thin on the details like that. I stared at the girl for some time, feeling a very strong sense of pity. She approved of my back as if it were a new tattoo or piercing. I don't remember our interaction particularly well. I know she was sad. And angry. But shortly after I made my way into her cell-like abode, the urge to urinate awoke me around 7 am, and though I closed my eyes with visions of this dream still lingering, once I succumbed to sleep again I dreamt of less memorable things. Least that's how I remember it.

. . . vertigo.

I met the girl of my dreams recently. Unfortunately, she was so much like the girl of my dreams that my experience with her was just as fleeting and mercurial as a dream can often be. I had what I thought was something tangible in my hands, but in a moment it turned to ash.

Monday, February 16, 2009
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You would be feeling pretty good about yourself today, but something from the past continues to tug on your conscience. It's not that you necessarily have any reason to feel guilty, but you want to clear up a possible misunderstanding before moving on. Take care of an unresolved issue as soon as possible so you are ready for what happens next.

Puree'd.

puree
2 entries found.
1puree (noun)
2puree (transitive verb)

Main Entry:
1pu·ree
Variant(s):
or pu·rée \pyu̇-ˈrā, -ˈrē\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
French purée, from Middle French, from feminine of puré, past participle of purer to purify, strain, from Latin purare to purify, from purus
Date:
1707
1 : a paste or thick liquid suspension usually made from cooked food ground finely
2 : a thick soup made of pureed vegetables

letter to nicole.

star opened a lil tiny shop, and i work at her shop! it's like a little apartment studio space, all the walls are different colors and the bathroom in black and white pok-a-dot. i'm on booth rent, so i pay her my rent, but have my own little business inside of hers. it's awesome! i have a lot of the same clients and lots of good new ones, i only have a few i'd like to disappear. :P it's just me a star, so i end up working by myself a lot!

santa fe is santa fe, and my personal life is a mile a minute about to roller coaster somewhere else at the drop of a boy :)

i've got two at the moment. boys that is. yikes.

i'm moving back in with jett for the summer cause my apartment is driving me CRAZY.

what's you new boy like? glad your hours are perfect sorry the clients are kinda blah.

cheers

S

HA!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

You have an opportunity to increase your pleasure and wealth as Venus, the goddess of love, is now in your sign for a rare extended stay for most of the next four months. And although this can certainly be welcome news, you'll need to be careful about overdoing it as you seek material and sensual gratification. However, you still must handle the tension you create by the impact of your idyllic visions. Try not to be disappointed if you cannot reach your dreams right away.

Dear Alcohol, I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel.

jon caro's christmas gift to me



came from the house. i think i did a shot of it one night. blah.



made dinner with ethan. we drank the whole bottle. he amused me by doing anything i ask him to that night.



ethan made me banana fosters! kyle drank the rest of the bottle lil by lil every time he came over.



cory drank the whole bottle slowly by himself, every time he came over and we talked in bed.



playing poker went half way gone. the other half the first night kyle and i talked on myspace. cory came to save me from myself. or something.



kyle's, brought it over first or second time we hung out.




red corset. blue bicycle. green beans. black out drunk and you seemed to enjoy it. i got high for the first time the next day. the bathroom smelled like vomit for days. i texed ahmed ' i threw up on your pillow' and he replied ' that's actually really funny right now'.



i finished this whole bottle by myself, with a shit ton of coke. playing dare with cory and dylan. way, way, way too much fun. black out a lil bit right at the end in cory's bed. he filled in the fuzzy spots the next morning.



white russians with ahmed. kyle finished the bottle.



conrad. kit. dyami. only i think that was between two bottles.

broken flowers.

i feel alone in your touch

asleep on your couch

in your arms of long past wishes and dreams

like a fish squirming to get free

thanks i had forgotten i love you

stars, broken flowers and not knowing

what to happen next

who am i doing, what am i doing?

and 'do you like to play pool?'

fears of the dark

shadows shaping shifting in my mind

piano strings and cake

raspberries and coconut milk

i need a knife thrower

or maybe just a dark cave to hind in

you made my heart swell like the little velveteen rabbit

watching your star reflected in blues and green

accidently starting to cry hoping no one notices in the dark

it comes out all wrong

forget i said anything

and i give up to soon

again