sessik

J
Q
I
B
D
T
M
J
T
A
M
E
C
C
G
O
K
P
A
M
M
T
C
C
L
K
D
J

sleep is for the weak!

something lovely.

i like your voice, i wish you weren't such a prick

i'm already wondering if i've worn out our welcome

thank god for a distraction from D tho

the strangest people make me happy

i'm right to have thought that pretty fagot boys don't make for good lovers

i'm over thinking it already as my hands grow pink and crack

and no one ever knows who i'm talking about, or what for that matter

i wrote you a poem the other day, in our secret hiding place

that all the teenagers know about

i can smell you

are we both to sleepy to see each other tonight?

when does something go from being excited and new

to old habit

i love when people sing with themselves

i'm so cold and lazy, wishing to just curl up inside my darkness

and dream

coldest bitch on the block.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ..Subversive..
Date: Oct 16, 2008 3:27 AM


you seem like a cool chick.

seriously.

zombie walks?! spray paint?! are you really human?

my myspace page is pretty desolate- not much to show, but i can fill you in on some information.

I'm from new mexico, i bar tend, smoke, have a kick ass pit bull, 2 leeches, have been doing suspension for 6 years, love to travel, am excited GWAR is coming, and I'd like to talk to you more.

Ben

RE: flesh crawl


as real as the barcode they put on the back of my neck.

i hate leeches.

what does your day hold when you wake up to coin operated boy playing?

things on my mind:

boys, two of them, make that three. the third leading into my families whack morals or maybe ethics. i can't remember which is which right now. okay, four which leads me to the other thing on my mind. which is, that perhaps i shouldn't of linked my blog on my myspace for a brief span of time. nevermind, five! i wish you'd come get your bike, six, cause i wanna punch your asshole friend in the face. back to the one of the original two. i wishing i had either not kissed you, or you'd want to kiss me again. cause this whole in between thing isn't doing it for me. and to the second of the two. i don't mind being a secret, but you're strange. you keep me guessing even after i'm in your bed room. ( okay i guess that goes for a few others too)

besides that, i have a flat tire which has nothing to do with any of the boys, except maybe number one.

one you should like me/ stop talking about it and do it already
two your should come visit
three you should leave me alone
four you should comment
five your should come get your bike
six you should choke

10.6.08

my lip is raw from where you bit me a few nights ago. if she knew she'd kill me. i put on a tank top this morning and then was like 'wait, that's not gonna work' my nails need painting. it's turning cold outside and i made your 40 explode on the floor. i'm sorry. the things i write in pen rarely make it to the rubberjellyfish. i wonder if i'm more honest on paper.

watching someone babysit who loves kids is so exciting. then i'm happy it's not me.

i an.n.

a

fickle
One entry found.

Pronunciation:
\ˈfi-kəl\

: marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness

bitch
4 entries found.

Pronunciation:
\ˈbich\

1: the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals

2 a: a lewd or immoral woman b: a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse

3: something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant

4: complaint

24 hours to go, i wanna be sedated.

10.4.08

are you staring at me or am i in your staring off into vacant space spot. i use to want devotchka to play at my wedding but now i'm thinking i want to marry the drummer. i like watching shoes walking by and i think my career as polyisoprene is going well . altho i can already see the unwanted affects creeping in along the the fuzzy edges. waiting for you to pick me up at the tramway gas station kinda makes me feel like a whore and then it reminds me of that song you wrote for your best friend. there's light shinning in my eye but only for a moment. have you ever noticed me before would you ever notice me again? what is that strange noise? i think it's your voice. or maybe the idea of it coming out of you, i think. where are you? are they fireworks? my lip is dry and i think your car is red.

10.5.08

this is funny all i can think is there is a reason for everything. life's a riot with spy vs spy and the world is entertaining. i can't believe i didn't put my ringer on loud or set my alarm. maybe i had an inkling to this or maybe i was just hoping the drummer would wanna make out with me. you say i make you nervous where as you just confuse me cause i can't tell if you like me or not.

the way i felt about yous last week.

i'm so in over my head. my hair is driving me crazy. i know this is a bad idea like a really bad idea and i over did it with my little fox. why do the good girls always like the bad boys? maybe there's no danger at all and that's what i like about it. your fingers tumble over the piano keys as i rest my chin on your shoulder. drunkenly listening to to ideas float over the black and white keys. i think your the only 17 year old in the world that would know who chopin is and be able to play me some on your laptop to boot. maybe if i shaved my head all my worries would drift away. this hair has kyle written all over it. if you gave me the chance i'd tell every boy in the world that boys like him don't like girl like me. which just isn't the truth. everything has become mundane. i miss running my fingers along yours, touching and holding. just waiting to kiss you. now. . .i'm easy, doing whatever i feel like. i guess i wish you were thinking about me the way i'm thinking about you. am i really so bored that i want a boyfriend?

i think you just think your over him, and that you really like the way he kissed you. but he's so far away and he's good. like so good and as much as you want to be good, you just don't. but you feel like you wasted time and energy on kyle, so what makes this drugy musician any different? don't pretend it's cause he's got brown eyes. in a month you'll be looking over your shoulder going yea, no, what was i thinking and besides cory likes him; which is a sure bad sign. so he's either not interested or has had a crush on you for like forever and a day. why does that fire fighter keep looking over here at me? he kinda reminds me of this kid i went to school with. ( which is funny cause a week later, you do too) do you remember going out to dinner with sophie at il vicino and looking at that guy and then getting all shy? even sophie was like what are you looking at? i can't even remember what he looks like.

i think i'd rather be depressed than feel this way.

touch myself.

stars right, i'm gonna have a nasty scar on my face. there's spray paint on my hand, my hair and in my nose. i've decided to not sleep it seems. he's back in town and i wonder if you want to lose my number. i mean, what me to lose yours. i'm bored of being lonely, so bored i'm almost tried. i'm acting like a teenager listening to the same song over and over again. thinking about nothing that has to do with a real live you. did you find me tedious? am i gonna get caught? i saw you looking at me thro the window, could you see me smiling back with hate in my eyes. i wanted to punch you all day. and worse than that, for you, i just smiled at you and ignored you. you didn't deserve to touch me. but then again i'm always trying to convince boys they don't want me, so what do i know. sometimes i wish my skin was endlessly smooth without things underneath and on the inside poking out. get down on your knees and do anything for me. i can't remember the end of the fall. and it all has crystal meaning. splitting off into thousands of directions, and here comes the same helicopter. am i sick of this song yet? 3.21. how about you, can i be sick of you yet? i forget that time moves on, and that if we are lucky we have another day to get what we want. i use to be so good at being patient. look at me now. i want you to love me. i smell like shit, and need a new pair of lungs. why is it when people tell me sweet things i think they are lying? you have a pretty voice, to bad i can't do anything with it. obsession comes in the form of lazy day summers, turning into cold evenings. sitting at the atomic too early, eating green chile cheese fries. sophie's brand new blue converse, and rain falling out of the sky. sitting in the graveyard winding grass along brass and stone. everything smelled like pink, i'd give anything to get my wisdom teeth out again. i lost my point, find the new razors, stolen and given, and i've rambled on to long, time to pretend to sleep. maybe not just yet. no yea i'm lost. i think i use to feel this way alot. earlier this year that is. seems like nightmares and days ago. it was and i wasn't. i want to be storing for the winter. not get left out in the cold like the grasshopper. but you can't store people, they don't keep like jam. my stomach is lonely, i wonder what it wants. maybe the sooner i nail the coffin shut i'll feel better about the thing inside looking back at me. with those, were they bright blue eyes? or soft and gray? they couldn't be brown, that would be far to simple. i wonder if my hand would light on fire. i touch myself. the goosebumps of loneliness consume my skin. what do i want from you? it's the first. i think i'll always get my horoscope backwards. hi?