top five songs

top five songs 03 24 08



yeah yeah yeah yeah - pogues



new england - billy bragg



my radio - solvent



my best friend's girl- the cars



ceremony - new order

top five songs 03 30 08



just you wait - paybacks


man in the iron mask - billy bragg

the milkman of human kindness - billy bragg



maps - yeah yeah yeahs



love will tear us a part - nouvelle vague

batteries not included

(original post date 03/25/08)

falling behind

falling in general

keyboards, i chats, and 3 hours late

these are all the things i've done

white tips, pussy cats

top five

kissing in your car

will you call tomorrow night

my radio and thinking of what you wrote

do you lie?

yeah, i should, i'll do it when i get back.

my radio

summer sid

broken legs

and huge phone bills

cute photos

in between her legs

i'm wishing

licks and pokes, nudges and assfaces

your initials aren't what one wishes they were

do you want me?

what was it that you said?

neverland

skulls

you talk loud

i cut my own hair

i'm stuck

in the mud, on you, . . . .

can't wait to get out

pervert

the middle is always the best

I J J B D D

it's snowing in denver

and i anit got no socks

cloves keep my warm with

the cold thought of you

in my head.

what would you do if i was there next to you?

hold u.

oi, lesbians are such a fucking waste of time

and all the boys i love are dead

or inclined otherwise

she likes it too.

my skin stings

i miss you

all of you

but in particular the two of you

it makes sense, you share

indecision in common

hotel rooms are empty and uninviting

i'm wishing i was at the ace, listening to records

smoking, and dreaming of you

goosebumps, 5:50, did you figure it out yet?

lonely but not alone

the story of my life

it would have been your key in my keyhole

if you'd just said yes

admitting default.

you're kinda tainting, my birthday photo

you're kinda admitting defeat

. . . . i kinda liked it.

. i still kinda want that print.

billy bragg hums to me

you're sleeping

i pet you behind your ears

you smile and i'm alone

eri open space for ghost to float tho

how's your sun burn?

i found a shirt for you

you're shoes and prick are on my mind

lips and big blue eyes

they all know my name

my finger nails are already chipping

you won't be the first and you won't be the last

no, don't read that.

i'm stepping out of a smoke, do you want to come?

captain kangroo

and lenord cohen

are pod buddies

silk across your pevlic bones

what are you wanting for

boy

take a bite

and see how long i last

goose bumps, rubber bands, and funny feeling about the

elbows

billy bragg hums to me

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

Your world is filled with non-stop action, yet much of it takes place on the inner planes. You may not want to rest, yet the idea of withdrawing from your commitments still seems attractive. Remember, what happens in your mind is yours alone. You are free to go anywhere you possibly choose, so use your fantasies to explore the days ahead before they happen.

morning 03 26 08

i look down your birthday is on the my phone

i dreamt you were a chocolate smith and my ex was kissing my neck

i'm sorry i mistook you for the doctor

how does this happen?

who tells me things like that?

it must be my face

my internet lags along with my writing

what went here?

she walked in.

you look perfect, here, on the outside,

let's look inside

you bought me a book?

the cd you gave me is sitting in my bag

i can smell you from here

your filling out and thinning down

122

and i like the way i write better

afternoon 03 26 08

spotting for two months

and how is it not me, i mean a break up song

it's your last chance to talk to me before monday

do you still think i'm pretty?

i love you

i love you too.

evening, or early morning

they all run like scared little rabbits, run rabbit run, run rabbit, run rabbit run

worst birthday present ever

maybe your right,

skipping form rock to rock

it's cool denver and i'll be over it

i should have stayed with you

i was running away

' little nymph like personality'

lairs, everything last one of them, well

almost

it's just, they're all distractions

it's not like your the one

your just the one i saw first, takkun

i hope you forgive me

lubbock, new orleans, what next the shores of californian

there's a lot of tinkerbell in the monitor

feedback, lollipops, and 3 years

is long time to find out what my skin tastes like

(neverland)

i'm glad you didn't run away,

i was so much older then i'm younger than that now

i'm crying for the first time

but i didn't

it's nothing (pour rein) i don't think it's any big deal

you're perhaps the only boy who's ever meet

peterpan

click clack i write better, and bigger and strangely with less to prove

go figure

intimidating, but not like you think,

are you for real

yeah, if you said that's what you wanted i'd let you have it.

captan hook keeps changing faces

and i was gonna tell you early to day but i forgot,

i'd be alone for you if you (i) wanted

maybe it's good when boys piss me off,

my writing becomes, juicer

blue mondays and

but my horoscope said so!

maybe i'm wrong about why you are trouble

it just sounds an awful lot like

' i think i could fall in love you'

it's not that i like you too much, it's that

you like me too much

oh, but what do i know.

. . . . . . . .


i know, i like your new found music,

black and white

glasses, skulls and i nevers

to do list 03 26 08

go to the doc. yep
buy food.nope
see collect 8.yep
buy notebook.yep
see star, facial .yep
pack.kinda
hang out, before i leave.yep
call aleta.yep
call/email anna.yep
buy cotton balls.yep
go to bank.yep
go to state broad.yep

original post date 03 23 08

so i've got a lot on my mind. i erased his number from my phone. i'm totally falling for him. i'm been texing way to much. i'm worried about money. i hoping this job thing works out. i can't wait to move into my own place. i'm also nervous about it. i'm doing things that, are maybe not the best ideas in the world. but i guess they are fun? i might have a summer sid. things are amazing with him am i going to fuck them up? he's too, something for me. i just don't know what it is yet. am i just bored? he is blowing me off. which is totally cool. i don't think i really like her at all. im trying really hard to be nice. he lies, or doesn't lie, just doesn't tell the truth. he's a creep. he's going to break my heart. he's in flordia. she kisses badly. he's peterpan.

clip from saturday that feels like sunday.

cowboy junkies make goose bumps races across my skin

i'm alone for two minutes and i'm lonely all over again

now i have to punch in that ten digit number to talk to you

little skulls float in and out of my kiss (skin)

i've always wanted to kiss you, but you were empty then

i know what makes me nervous now

or maybe i remembered

i'm falling

he asks me what it means

i tell him it's when the way you feel about someone is strong enough

that you could get hurt way to easily

do you think i'm talking about you?

safe heaven.

he called me a heartbreaker.

something like i shatter punk rock boys hearts, maybe a 13 thrown in there somewhere.

i should have not been such a nancy and kissed you.

he says he's not much of a sid, now, then, bad joke.

i dunno where you were but you pretty much ruled my life for a while. i was smitten beyond repair.

and i still think of the first time i met you at W21 with cj humping your leg.

are you still smitten?

aha, ahem. uh-yeah.

good old fashioned teenage punk rock puppy love.

something goes here. but you'd have to ask to see it.

bike log started 03 13 08

03 13 08 3.48 miles
03 14 08 2.48 miles
03 15 08 0.70 miles
03 17 08 1.74 miles
03 19 08 1.40 miles
03 20 08 4.40 miles

total : 14.20 miles

mind you up hill and down hill.

truth.

my birthday is in 7 days

i'll be 20

i've posted a total of 200 blogs

(not including this one)

i think i'm still in love with you

i'm in like with you

your skin isn't soft

i don't like your hair

she looks like me

she looks like her

she says i need to get over you

i agree

i'm over him

i can't remember what you taste like

i keep growing my nails because of the kid from lubbock

i miss you a little, at least today, when i don't know what my plans are tonight

i just want your hucca

i have four new holes in my chest

i want to to miss me

i want you to love me

i'm afraid of myself

you're mean to me

we'd have cute kids

i've spent way more money than i should have

i just got my hair cut

it's pink

i'm worried i gained back ten pounds

i don't know what makes me nervous

if you asked i'd say nothing

i'm listening to the mix that you made me

i wearing a green rubber band for you

it affects everything

if someone asked why i'm wearing it i wouldn't tell them the whole truth

i heart my new thumbelina.

teen angst, mr brightside and old smelling tee shirts

new years day seems light years away

black dresses, i nevers and wishing

i can't remember the way he tastes

old beinnings and new endings

solvent and oceans apart

what is she waiting for

why doesn't he miss me

he likes me for what i show him

not what you've seen

new and white

crayons on my skin

strange dreams coming from your hand

torn up thighs and baby skulls

blue fingers a new and asking stupid questions

danny says, i don't wanna grow up

smoking in your room and running records over and over

i'm gonna spill, who's the lucky boy

or girl

i can't wait to see those cold green mountains

while holding your hand

i'm so lonely

am i holding onto you to close

do you miss me in your bed?

my skin is different colors now

and i'm wondering why you haven't call me yet

she says i could find you if i really tried

maybe she's right maybe she's wrong

but i wanna know, if i had a chance would you let me know

will you buy my flowers?

kiss me again

jackpots, g spots, and . . . .

fickle little bitch romance

dream from 02 21 08

haircut with jeanna and omrit. not getting my haircut. jeanna saying i had to book like a regular person. upstairs dorms kinda. cuteish boy? windows and everything has this strange bohemian look.

little girls trying to cut themselves. someone giving them something less harmful, in my bathroom studio. thick skratchs on her fail arms. libary somewhere, or something? warehouse? what am i doing there, and who am i with?

dream from 02 20 08

*sophie's letter drawing with fucked up teeth, eyes and hollowgrams. driving with sunlight coming in thro the roof. dress up parties with skanky clothing, trader joes and tropical condos hidden away in santa fe.

me 12 31 07

every time i talk to you you make me endless sad.

why do i let you do this to me?

i like your first flash.

she looks like your new underage girlfriend.

only prettier.

i should stop spying on you, it only leaves me filled up with empty.

what do you see in them that you don't see in me?

what do i see in you that i don't see in myself.

oi.

Tuesday, 11 March, 2008

Aries (12 Mar - 19 Apr)

The end is near and so is the beginning of what's next. You have made some progress, but can't seem to push through to conclusion. The problem is that you won't be allowed to move on until you can leave your previous project in a stable place. Do everything you can to make a smooth transition from the past to the future.

i should have killed her when i had the chance.

what am i feeling for you now?

i'm empty and running short on forgiveness.

what you do to me is a lose.

i can't spend the rest of my life pretending to be the slut you want.

you do write back.

and i bit my lip.

is that all there is?

you are the least kinky person i've ever met.

and i'm pissed.

his 6' something

beautiful blue eyes

with these eye lashes to boot

the softest skin

big lips

doe eyes

lanky arms

fake teeth

his boxers fit me

i can't sleep next to him

we nap

wake up

3, 4, 5 in the morning

sunday mornings coming down

do you miss me yet?

i miss you.

they tell my they just didn't know

kinda like you only it's sweet

records and shaved heads

i cut their hair

and make them happy

i'm not who you want

i'm just the one you need

i'm taking recommendations

if you got any.

lye in my hair and blood in my eyes

those don't fit me anymore

what cha gonna do?

wait for him to wake up and the other to go to sleep

you've been talking about yourself again.

i hope she cokes

i can't write for shit.

you know that cars song, yeah, that one, it's from me to you.

and i miss you

wishing i had a second chance

most

awkward moment: no, like six feet under

nothing sounds good

i wanna spit in your face

and tell her to fuck off

it's time to tell the truth,

are you ready?

spill.

original post date 2 20 08 11:31 PM

i shouldn't be showing this off. it's badly written. but feelings are feelings, and i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve for this one.

you make me so sad and angry inside that i have writers block. and blood in my stool. i wanna die when i think about your face and another girl touching it. why didn't you want me anymore. what did i do to disinterest you. i feel like i'm dying on the inside. i want your meanness, i could just wish it was niceness and beggars would ride. fill me up with hatred and remorse. running to the beach and spying on you. remember how you told me that before you meet me you didn't believe in ever afters. you said you'd never fall in love again. that it was unless and full of lies. well i guess you took it from me. you turned me into someone we both could hate. i miss you. and i miss us. i can't remember what it was like. the way i felt happy. i know it was there, i can't lie. love, love will tear us apart, again. i remember watching high fidelity for the first time and being like that is the most shit ending i've ever seen. then when i watched it again, i thought it was sweet and truth full. wonder what i'm feeling now. you took from me everything you could steal. and it's not the new beginnings, but don't get me wrong they are nice. i spent five years plus thinking this was the one. this is it! what happened to you? when did i stop being your dream girl? did i turn 18? was i too real? i tried to tell you over and over again. but it's like you knew the serena train came at 6 o clock and you just missed it over and over and over and over again. what a fool was i, i thought every 24 hours you'd get on... my tummy would get excited over and over just to be waiting to long at the train station, hoping you were only a few minutes late. when i told you i'd get drunk and do it again you nodded. but i knew i was closer than you thought, cause as mad as i was, i was still more mad at you. crying while brushing your teeth is difficult and gets boring quickly. what do you hate most about me? can you remember the way i taste. i can't remember anything about you. you've left me with this empty feeling that i can't shake. even my stomach feels it. i can't keep anything in it all goes spinning out in every direction. you'd hate this song. did she make you feel special? oh . . . . want did i do wrong for you. nothing. nothing .nothing. i'm magic, and i don't need a magician. this relationship wasn't big enough for two peter pans. and it was like last time i didn't trust you to do what you were supposed to do. you thought i was brave. i should have know then. what was i thinking? packing with no where to go? why aren't you home anymore? why can't you be the one i'm hoping goes into the afterlife? in a strange way i don't think it's over. part of me does, tears streaming down my dirty face. the other part is waiting to wake up next to you. would you love me right the next time? is this what you're thinking too? is that why you didn't even try to win me back?

dream from 02 19 08

* wacky dreams about amazing a house that you drive thro. princeville hotel much? linda durham. zazobra miniture and other strangeness i can't put my finger on. school maybe?

dream from 02 18 08

*dreaming alot about sophie.

at the hurricane's in albuquerque.

in an office building with the ocean trying to drown us, only i'm a guy and she's not sophie. there are huge pillars with 20 foot waves rush thro them. i'm trying to hold onto 'her' hand. we are both totally business, wearing drab navy blues and browns . i yell something to 'her' before we are either drowned or washed away from each other. i'm pretty sure it has someone to do with love.

is there a church next? or maybe sohpie's "old" house maybe. the paint is peeling, it feels like your summer hiding spot as a kid. attack of bugs, chasing someone to our door. i let them, stinging insects follow.

lori's husband checking on her.

climbing up onto of the statue of liberty.

smooshed in a car with boys, kinda holding this kids's hand, does jett notice? where am i going, what am i waiting for? everything has this strange childhood feeling.

serena --

[adjective]: Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

"Ribbons" – 5:28

( original post date would have been 02 20 08. this is the most editing i've ever done in my life. beside you. original title : i have writers block)

I’m lying on my back now

feburary eating at my bare skin.

The stars look all too near

smoke trails out of my mouth, lingering in the air.

Flowers on the razor wire

can you see me from above?

I know you’re here

the record cracks

We are few

my eyes dim with you on my mind

And far between

I was thinking about her skin

do you wanna make her ours?

Love is a many splintered thing

goose bumps and the way you use to look at me

Don’t be afraid now

Just walk on in

recently all of my blogs kinda sound the same. but i like them. i'm forgetting what i wrote about who tho. maybe they all sound the same cause i keep playing the same things over in my head. just like my new music. it's like my new memories fade so quick i have to hold on to them with a death grip or make new ones. i know i'll hate the killers when all this is over. it's just, they're all i wanna to listen to. why can't you even actually ASK me. am i always going to waiting for your call. maybe i'll feel the same way i did when i was 14, just think to myself you aint gonna, so if you do i'm surprised and happy. my favorite killers song is now my least favorite. i feel like i just burned this huge bridge; that i should feel different, released or something. instead i'm looking for my next artist. do i scare them? do they get bored? do i give to much all at once? i'm open and raw and they like it at first. they say all these amazing things. maybe it's a miracle you didn't put me on the back burner sooner. but it doesn't really matter i don't belong there, for anyone. i got soul but i'm not a solider. glass works so much better. it itches. i'm going numb and you say i remind you of lucia. guess it's better than telling me i should be a hooker. geishas gone bad, and all these thing that i've done. you say we feel differently about it and i guess you're right; but i can't hardly stick to those guns when it's obviously over.

the boy next door.

i listen to my radio and think about you

it doesn't matter who they are

as long as they are new

they are asking me,

what is the other one thinking?

i'm jumping from rock to rock

already

are you proud?

am i too intense?

which is better

when they jump ship

straight off the bat

or as the sun is coming up

i need the stars to navigate by

i wanna be your muse

what if someone doesn't need one?

i still want to be there in their bed

looking back at them

you'd melt

guess i'm just hung up

on those blue eyes

maybe boys lie when they tell me things

maybe i shouldn't believe them

it's just that

well, the boys i know

sound so truthful

' anyone who doesn't want to kiss you ever time they look at you is a fucking fool '

' you have beautiful symmetry.. . . like something da vinci would have drawn'

' you're my dream girl'

' you're fantasy material'

' you're perfect'

if i remembered anything like that, that you said

i'd put it here.

(sounds so icky to end it there, but i don't know what else to say)

we got the killers mixed up.

It started out with a kiss
you know you've only got one
How did it end up like this
Change your ways while you're young
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Now I’m falling asleep
Smile like you mean it
Now we're going to bed
We lost track of the time
And my stomach is sick
Dreams aren't what they used to be
And it’s all in my head
Some things slide by so carelessly
But she’s touching his—chest
Smile like you mean it
Now, he takes off her dress
And someone is playing a game
Now, let me go
Smile like you mean it
I just can’t look its killing me
Oh no, oh no no no
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside
I never...
I never...
I never...




When there's nowhere else to run
Help me through the hopeless haze
If you can hold on
I can't even recognise myself behind
Tragic eyes
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
So if the answer is no
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
Can I change your mind
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
And you won't let go
While I ignore, that we both felt like this
Another head aches, another heart breaks
Before it starts to show
I am so much older than I can take
So if I had a chance
And my affection, well it comes and goes
Would you let me know
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
Why aren't you shaking
Help me out
Step back in time
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
And if the answer is no
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Can I change your mind
You know you got to help me out
We're all the same
And when there's nowhere else to run
love is blind
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be
The sun is gone
Before it shines
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
And I said if the answer is no
Can I change your mind
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner

i never . . .

i wish it was the truth when " The Darjeeling Limited " posted still in february.
i was hoping i could have posted one for every day.
close so close.
my months keep beginning with me saying ' i don't think i've ever liked the first of ___________ this much'
wow yeah since the beginning of the year.
sweet.

The Darjeeling Limited

you smell like my brother.

everything you say about me is the bleeding truth.

you say you don't think i'm complicated.

i guess i'm always hiding something away from everyone.

i wont let you see me cry.

can't let you read my writing.

look inside my drawings.

look between my legs.

tell you i'm jealous of all the boys walking tho your sliding glass door.

you tell me i'd love Paris, Chicago, . . .

i remember the last feeling you left me.

the way you first kissed me.

lying in the park next to you.

and when you told me you'd call me.

you know i want you,

dumb ass.

i'm destine to be with artist for always.

i need them.

the special bond we form is stronger.

maybe you right, _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _.

you tell me you hoped it ended happily, i tell you it didn't.

and his dead away way.

you wont like the music i like.

the way i talk.

the peter pan i want to be.

the way i wanna treat you.

are you as lonely as i am?

save it for another night.

tonight, i want to watch The Darjeeling Limited.