i just realized how disgusting it is that Avril Lavigne is considerd punk. and yet strangely fascinated.
i very sunburnt. staying up late watching the pipettes on youtube.
i'm thinking about you, can you guess, dirty mind, might just be my fav.
do you think someone treats her right?
we should watch chasing amy.

' i don't like mondays '

it's your birthday again. i don't want to look back on this a hate it. i'm wishing for the beach so badly, and that last day i saw you. the last moment i should have kissed you. you scared me and now i scare myself. starved for attention in the worst way. willing to go to the ends of the earth, just to make someone love me. i swear the next boy who buys me flowers. that will be it. drive faster. i feel like a freak who can't get it up unless i'm looking at something fucked up. 115 on a motorcycle is the first time it feels real. life and the coldness. i thought about rereading it, but i'm afraid. listen to old records, wonder if he's right that i used you. i love her face in your reaction, (creation) i rememeber for a moment what that feeling of your love is. i wanna burn into underneather my skin, to make it real. all of the por vidas in the world wrapped up in i wanna be sadated. honey on the back of my throat. wishing for someone and something far away. thought i was gonna die, but i'd do it again just to be there with you. i want to get hurt but, i'm scared. i didn't mean to hurt your feelins when i said you were broken. i was talking about someone different than you thought i was. i wanna be held, but by the right person. they are so hard to come up. i rememeber thinking about laying next to you in your room, now i don't even have a picture of you. what will it be tonight? sitting on top of the dresser, in the kitchen, out on the street? ring, i'm begging you. someone save me from these four walls. i'm pathchic, and despareate but not serious. i wish caley would just call me so i could get it over with.

Bulleit

it's depressing when you wake up next to not the person

you want to be waking up to next.

just because of the green house

and all your clothing smells like cigarettes.

the piano has been drinking

and i long for your eyes to wake up next to.

i don't remember writing this.

red head interruption

and everyone asks

"what happened to your arm?"

add with

i like your hair

nails break

and i'm lonely for all the wrong people

5 dot and sound checks

your old car rusted with prayer (masases)

you hold tight to

number one

wild turkey cloud

in my memory

can i put my head in your lap

and

sorry

i threw up on you

new business cards,

stress

constipated in intoxication

maybe you did take care of me

more than i know

yep that's why i'm hungover

i've been twenty for a month.

it was a shitty month.

filled with at few hand fulls of sparkling stars.

i'm wasted and busted.

kiss me goodnight forever.

and tell me i'm you sailor.

i've decided this is why a heart shape is a heart shape.



it has nothing to do with love, and everything to do with lust.

sun comes up, it's sunday morning

i'm sitting in your bed

listening to all the music that keep her from killing herself

how did you do it?

did you love me that much then

how about now?

tear stained cheeks as joey plays on the radio

oh, did i drink all that?

i'm not angry anymore

i just want you to hold me

and make the whisky yurps go away

i always thought Caroline was caroline's songs

you'll never be done

and neither will i

i rub my foot against everything

i wonder why that is

it's like a comfort thing or something?

it's dark in here

light out there

and everything really does look better tho rose tinted glasses

ten days a week

sunday 13

roller derby

burn marks

motor cycle ride

monday

motor cycle

greg, cab fair

D & S

puppy

no sleep at cory's house

tuesday

campy's special

long bike rides

with paul

strange clean house

missing my street

wednesday

caley's bday

wild turkey

fire crackers

fake blood

kissing

loft

getting kicked out of bed

breakfast with ethan at pasquals

snowing

laundry

hot tub

tequila sunrise

the clash

sexually tension

friday

baby teeth

shaved heads

sketch books

push pins

goodbyes

and are yous broken up?

same room picture mail

saturday

blow jobs

G & H

broken crazy love

late night phone calls

drunken falling asleep

sunday

you knew everyone at breakfast

bombay sapphire

midnight breakfast

dead alive

not sober

monday

lowlites

hippie boarding school

love triangle

breakfast with you

bike rides

cured sins

northern lights

doormat

lost keys

topless dancing

war

crying boys

party tricks

peeing

crown royal

all of it

blacked out drunk

tuesday

bite marks

unbuttoned pants

waking up alone

where's cory?

i'll show you mine

if you show me yours

hungover

vietnamese

anna, scars, and blonde hair

tummy ache

shaved pink

exte

halloween

scary stories

girth

sun comes up it's

wednesday

morning

straight line cumming

night mares

late

sore legs

nails, black

FPS

i think i found his kink

make up brushes

not drunk enough

mr and dr

running scared

crown royal, magnificent seven, and wishing so hard

if i spend the night with him i get to see you to nosh the next day

missing your sweet soft surrender all up in my junk

don't tell me i didn't want it, or can't understand

cause it just makes you sound more filled with bullshit

now i know why you said you didn't like him

do i scare you? i scare myself

you can't explain the northern lights to a blind person

me on my bike, both of our skulls burning in the new sunlight

i call down the list for someone to make me home

no one is picking up tonight

and don't hurt yourself on my account

you're a totally different person, but so am i

just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it aint there

and don't tell my about the fucking beach

my soul is there with him just waiting for the hourglass to spill

nope, this blog is for you

only it was very different 24 hours ago

when my finger tips, legs and left middle finger didn't sting

people aren't looking hard enough if they can't understand it

he designed her flawlessly

italian written all over her chest

i'm shy, with this new hair and face

at this point, it's turned from 5% to 95% wishing

hopelessly

alone

you can't pick up the pieces

and you can't tell me how i can't feel

i shouldn't kick it with you when your drunk

you remind me of my grandmother

cold white hairs are pricking up on the back of my neck. i've eaten beakfast three times in a row. i'm not going to say i didn't like it i'll just say i hate getting caught. flicking away at my keys. wishing for you mouth wrapped around my collar bone. your stupid way of wanting. systemmatice hatered filled in a basement of wish-washing back stabber floppy discs. you say i can do better. he says she can too. what you told me was sweet. i've got a thing for boys with fucked up eyes and minds to match. i can see my hands becoming writhed and old. heart in hand, and wishing you'd have kissed me in the fireplace. it's okay they all leave. left with nothing but old letters, stop signs, and cigerate butts. sweetest thing since last sunday. and i wonder if i can only get it up if he is new. you just can't explain the northern lights to someone who is blind.

you're like my dream boy from age thriteen. someday i'll buy you an avanti and kiss our children goodnight. i was lying when i said that i would. i feel bads and i nevers have nothing to do with each other. the way you looked at my face, makes me feel like i'm falling down that deep dark rabbit hole. with out a gyroscope to lead me toward true love. that this one's for you, you can tell everyone. i'd like to be someone's guy, it's been a while. art school, gun totting, and peterpan. this neverland aint big enough for the both of us. you give off heat like a mother, and you know just when to back off. you never liked it. fuzzy tummy, stirped shirts and wanting to disappear. not to say it's normal, bit everyone does it.

i like being your elephant, at least it means your thinking about me. i spent the rest of the day daydreaming about getting hit by a car.

bike log

04 10 08 2.00 miles, this is my guess cause i took the wacky way home
04 11 08 2.00 miles , ditto
04 12 08 merely walked home from work
04 13 08 2.00 miles plusish
04 14 08 0.70 miles
04 15 08 9.50 miles
04 16 08 1.80 miles
04 17 08 1.80 miles
04 18 08 1.80 miles
04 19 08 1.80 miles
04 20 08 nope
04 21 08 count it 9 bitches

Saturday, 19 April, 2008

Aries (12 Mar - 19 Apr)

You may feel overly vulnerable as you struggle with deep psychological issues that negatively impact your ability to be happy in the present moment. Normally, you are able to be attentive to what's happening, but not now. It's not easy trying to reconcile your long-term goals with current circumstances, but your efforts in this direction today will surely pay off.

i've searched and searched for you

i forgot that peter pan is always chasing his shadow

i ask you what you want, you ask me why i left

i was chasing you, losing myself

to the vast churches

princess bitches and

joe strummer playing in the back ground

all the boys i love are cancers

all the boys i wanna fuck aren't interested

i decided to be a punk

burns marks on my arms

your smell on my lips

my room smells like who

ever past thro it last night

you say it's prostitutes from now on

i tell you i'm seriously thinking about a call girl career

strange top five

she's a sensation - ramones



across the sea - weezer



dreaming my dreams with you - cowboy junkies



rudie can't fail- the clash



don't think twice it's alright - bob dylan

in my dreams only i know it's not true

bacon splashing into boiling oil

that's what it sounded like

i dropped the knife on the floor and fell to it

heightened burning throw out my left arm

i laid my head down on the cold title and weeped your name

for the way you see her

is the way billy bragg sings to me

5:35

someone kissed me last night that i have no interest in

i'm listening to joy division at your expense

roller skates, bald heads and tampons

they keep calling

my apartment is messy and i haven't given you your stuff back

it's laying in my spare room

with my wrapped cabaret voltarie record

all the boys i love are dead, or look like him

black inks underneather already dead skin

soften my lips with your eyelashes

and let me get what i want, this time

mud, dylan, and where oh where is my

baby girl

gone

i dreamt you wanted me back.

you took me on a date, and did everything god told you to.

flowers at the lost super market.

worried about your mom's credit.

chicks with dicks.

phone book, booster condoms.

i wake up to poison.

all the pretty faces on my tongue.

everyone at work says

"cute"

when they see my makeup.

i wanna die.

i dream of you.

i dream of you and when i wake up there's someone different next to me.

long hair and mere inches of air, wedding vows and stereos made of game boys

i wanna play i never with you and kiss you

speeding down that highway lined with palm trees

you were so young it rarely looked like you



octopus and squid shape shifting

turn colors and battle around my leg

i ask someone if they want to marry me

but who?

my nails were crimson red her eyes were cobalt blue

disorder

my radio

and all these things that i've done



i want to smell you again attached to your smell

not detached, the way i get it now

i'm in love with your after shave and my rubberbands have lost all meaning

i should have put them in the jar before i left

you left me, it's all you ever say



retouched tattoos

new model army

and i think i dreamt about your

dream girl

last night


my hand writing hasn't looked like this since high school

and i'm watching, waiting, at the

station

04 09 07

days floating in and out

i'm not working enough

i'm sick of my house

it needs cleaning

the first in line is the last to remember her name

you left me with this huge want weighing down on my shoulders

my writing gets less legionary by the moment

did you guess well?

or did you create my desire for it?

i can't wear your ring anymore.

what took you so long to kiss me?

i've never been begged like that

i never knew anyone could do it,

like you do.

rushmore, records, lula, tattoos, 20 years old, cloves and rolled cigarettes.

flashing lights on the horizon

missed first chances

and i want you to want me

so are you a ten things i hate about you fan?

boo, pouting

and burning goldfish.

bike log

04 02 08 1.80 miles
04 03 08 1.80 miles
04 04 08 1.80 miles
04 06 08 3.30 miles
04 07 08 1.80 miles
04 08 08 2.00 miles
04 09 08 4.60 miles

'in strange new room, is this the start of it all'

i'm watching
shortbus and thinking
about you
can you guess, i'm
talking about you
your egg shell blue
bike is on my mind
your bite marks on
my shoulder
straw bail houses
tecate for breakfast
dial soap and
paper towels
your sleepy stoned
smile behind black
rimmed glasses
are you afraid of heights?
no.
i want you to want
me
i need you to need
me
i'd love you to
love me
i'm begging you
to beg me.

third base
and pushing
iny or outy
waking up next
to greenhouses
showers of
condoms, broken
nails, bruises, lone
butte gas station and
more change
knowing
my heart is
gonna get broken
serena.
didn't i didn't i
see you crying.

smoke in mouth
it's ten o clock
you want company?
firecrackers
lost keys
belt buckles
and your wife's
legs are to
die for

you're the
worst
trouble i've
ever met
caley

what?

what?

bike log started 03 21 08

03 21 08 2.01 miles
i'm missing something in here, or a few things
03 26 08 5.00 miles

easy swept wonderfully seductive qualities
love
little nymph personality
intimidating think
think fall love
nancy kissed
aha, ahem. uh-yeah.
heartbreaker
shatter punk rock boys hearts
geishas bad
remind lucia
hooker
beautiful symmetry
dream girl
fantasy material

April Fool's