Sometimes Wishing...

White snow blankets all as i soak into my bath of blood

The impossible fades away into distant stars long forgotten

under books filled with love letters and hopeful spiderwebs

am i doomed to play the little match girl?

marred for my sins

you say 'repent'

with that fear in your eyes

you say 'repent'

behind the tears

the coyotes howl to me

in the winter darkness

trickers of the night

come to leer me into the darkness

sweeping up the memory of time

all alone in your fake empire

sweeping the steps

as tumbleweeds kiss my cheeks

don't tell me you'd help...but...

lost and alone

braking nails

and teardrops stained into masa tortillas

incapable of love

talk the talk

but you can't walk the walk

want to slip, brake the glass in my hand say it was an accident

spoken to softly, to soon in the church

doves resting, dead at your feet

i would bring to you a cat's catch if you'd

if you'd.....

snowing falling outside on the pussy willows

i'm cold and empty

trying to love myself

...sometimes hopeless

thāngks-gĭv'ĭng

mystical dreams wrapped in in late november days

i think i even forgot your birthday

everyone's uncomfortable shifting in their shoes

watching the walls pretending the cocks are still posted

here and there

premonition coming true?

half way and almost

i say it and it appears

dream it and it creates it's self

maybe i saw this coming... secrets i'll be telling you tomorrow

do you love the person i started out as of the person i'm becoming?

train stations early in the morning

she's got a ticket to ride

mash potatoes, cinnamon, the way you looked up at me

blushing next to the cuff links

was that not even a year again

your missing the point

this is not a temper tantrum

it's a stand

strands of time spilling out of the hour glass

harder to play good cop bad cop now that we're all

grow up

some of us bitter some of us glow

i want 'in my life' to be true

can't bring myself to my knees

humble at your throne

rather sit next to you

never letting the canary free from my lips

bi polar bouncing thro hate and love letters

getting all mixed up in you

and you and you and you

The Snow covered up the grass with her great white cloak, and the Frost painted all the trees silver.

i lay in bed waiting for you to get off work

it's winter again, warm water streaming down my face

same same but different

tell me you don't understand but you just shake your head from side to side

not listening

soft black lines more perfect than my own

knew there was something different about you

but this one isn't as good as the last

no compliments

this is just what rolling around inside my head

dream of that beach

foot prints still in the sand

watching everyone know each other and

sink a little deeper inside my cave of hate

always listening to the A side

A minor

and not wanting to do anything tonight

and you out there, are you thinking of me

what's gonna happen when i'm gone

will you smell my hair on the wind and

hold my memory tight

cat knocks the table over and i shut her up

stir crazy just like me

noticing that i noticed you wishing i'd just passed you by

sometimes my angle sometimes my devil

all that hate is for myself

saving it in a bottle

what am i looking for?

sewing needles, scraps of hair, worn out lullabies

someone new, someone old

all the same underneath pink hair and sassy lips

old writhed hands clacking in the blue light of the computer screen

nails looking like dragon claws

that thing in the room is an elephant

i know it doesn't look or feel like one

but your missing the point

and i dance off down that yellow brick road

when i look back on all this

will i say

god i wanted to leave santa fe

that was hard, and a mistake

what am i doing here

if i'm not here for you

want to sleep it off for 23 years

i haven't become who you are

well read, full of ideas

black and white paint and keys

as i drift under the sea

drinking day in and day out

singing with the skeletons i find on the driftwood

collet seashells with no point

but to clutter your hallway

nothing, had so much potential

no wonder you've lost interest

eat, drink, sleep, fuck, shit

if we create the universe that we live in

am i really so boring

is this all i've come up with ?

sing me to sleep

fingernails underneath my eyelids

wake me when the moon comes up

the angel of the bottomless pit

harmonized anger.

crippled and pathetic my heart is tonight

an angel fallen without wings

thro the blue orchards of time

pass the cows

speckled and still

maybe you spoke to soon

maybe your extended arm will soon be like that kiss i never took

children pinned against each other

endless war of wills

slide

wind sculpted harps

but i like the way your figures do it better

acted as an adult as a child

acted as a child as an adult

i'm sorry

i really am, my lack of sense of humor got the best of me

maybe i glow, or maybe i'm just getting fat

do you know how much of the time i spend trying to convince myself

'no'

put down the razor

let go of the bottle

don't cry

its ok to be mad, but just at yourself

spill over the blankets

softness on the couch and

listening to your brain on fire

wishing i was still cool

my fingers making nothing more than shreds of hair

sometimes i wonder if your fuzzy white coat will soon be pink

love star

this is all where it begins

maybe we built a time machine and we don't even know it

desert gives way to clear oceans

and all i want is to go swim with the angels

looks like i'm gonna have to wait my turn

Minor Key

slip into my punk rock squatter bed in my room

press repeat and watch my eyes roll back

my heart is heavy watching you pull that beautiful music from yourself

gorgeous and effortless

sunken in my ways, crying into your eyes over something far far away from

our fake empire

masks made out of gardens quivering in their boxes

someone told me a secret last night that's been on my tongue all day

not wanting this to be your song, and yet poisoning you with it

noticing the lack of eye contact between me and the rest of the unsuspecting world

my heart heavy in my hand again, let me toss it to the wind

it's not doing anyone any good here

dream of you screaming down the highway doors open

secret letter on receipts, ingrown circus layers, tea parties to share whippers about me

when the music stopped i expect you to crawl into me

hit repeat


take the long way home thro lost glass slippers

and mopping baby elephants

if i lived in the world i created what would it look like

trees made of lollipops

and rain drops made out of soda. . .