Chapel Perilous

"Everything is complicated," wrote poet Wallace Stevens. "If that were not so, life and poetry and everything else would be a bore." I hope you will choose his wisdom to serve as your guiding light in the coming weeks. It is high time, in my astrological opinion, for you to shed any resentment you might feel for the fact that life is a crazy tangle of mystifying and interesting stories. Celebrate it, Aries! Revel in it. Fall down on your knees and give holy thanks for it. And by the way, here's a big secret: To the extent that you do glory in the complications, the complications will enlighten you, amuse you, and enrich you.

. . .stop haunting me now. . .

For winter's rains and ruins are over,
And all the seasons of snows and sins;
The days dividing lover and lover,
The light that loses, the night that wins;
And time remembered is grief forgotten,
And frosts are slain and flowers begotten,
And in green underwood and cover
Blossom by blossom the spring begins.

-Algernon Charles Swinburne

hug from a distance...

Hi...
I was glad to see you last night however brief.
I'm sorry to hear that your time in Santa Monica was not good...
I read some rubberjellyfish today just to see what's up if there's anything and see that the boat is still leaking...
I'm sorry...
All I can do is hug you and love you from a distance...

I.(t) could be sweet

sweet soft honey thro the open curtains of your living room

did you really want?

lost looking into your eyes of perfect hazel

is anyone still reading this?

close your eyes look away

this is not that man you seek the boys put up on pedestals

lonely puppy eyes thro the windows that mark your heart

fearing the fading of the music in the distance night

so close i can taste it so far away i can hear it

looking for myself in the empty crowd

lost and lonely out at sea with nothing more than my compass heart to guide me

no body loves me

not like you do

roll your number over my tongue flip my phone closed

your not who i'm thinking i am

sacred hearts on your arms and now your all grown up

isn't it interesting the way that time shifts and folds things

makes the impossible possible

and then. . .

not again

little mood music for you

my house of nails speaks to me

whispers things you can only imagine in your head

wishing i could check into the chelsea hotel

staying one night or two

just one

the disheveled map up in the air, the fading light, the place where the grass once went

and the time you tell me it's all to loud and you can't hear yourself anymore

tomato paste and missing photographs

kitten chewed flowers and shaking hands in the middle of the night

no one can see inside your view

wonder if that's how it was supposed to go, all along

what is this magic potion the wizard of good and evil carries for you in his pouch

why do you think you need it so

what do you lust after if only to lust

and why are you boots in my room

that i've been wondering for days now

locked up and playing hide and seek inside my veins

walk me thro the graveyard

funeral procession of lilies and your first name

my hands grown cold, licking the paint off your eyes

once envied now scorned

i don't want to hurt you

guilty cracking my knuckles at you

she's just can't fill that role in my heart

like playing your music to loud, or moping in your room

it's soft and gentle making you go thro all the motions

late, and soon after

licking the sweat out of your eyes

sucking dick and never getting head

couch.

whiskey dick

and i don't wanna lose what . . .

last time your leaving

black and white and a month

a fucking month

god what am i gonna do

try a little harder

it could be sweet

teardrops in my penny loafers

and it never works the way you think it's going to

easier, harder i need another drink

all these memories wrapped in paper waiting to be untied for the jaded tree

where they vacation and it never happens

locked in the dollhouse of your soul

that beautiful redhead, who got away

and then the night, you get the phone call and the

wait, it will be all over

lost again in the blink of an hour glass

lost, how many times can you say it till isn't true against the pale blue sky

i find myself falling in love, in little ways with strangers that aren't that strange

passing and leaving trains to my heart, dead stop and watching the clock tick slowly by

in my lovely lonely little world i've built all for my lonesome

i tell you not to worry i tell myself not to fret

i tell you not to forget but you already have

long from the start

crap apple blossoms

and mac

beautiful women pouring over garden leafs

i thought i was gonna die in the loneliness i took over in my life

burn marks and new boys

poisoning myself to sleep

cause i'm still feeling lonely

and then it stops

and i'm left all alone

The Knight's Dream

pour over my tarot book

pour over my heart slashed and torn

in the chapel of good and evil

blood splats over your temple

a shrine to your sleeping babe a knight

sleeping in then forest as the fire rages in the lions belly

waiting for the dragon to emerge full in form and beauty

ascending from the water down on your head with fire

hair piles high in the witches cauldron

light shafts cutting rainbows thro the room

awaken he finds his sword gone

replaced with seed pods filled with nymphs and angels

blonde again and bored already

lemon crests and the city lights alone at night

yourself alone and looking out onto the world below

sparkling with mystery and bitter familiarity

. . .the boat is leaking. . .

i'm sick of everyone's bullshit including my own

watching fools falling into each other left and right

sleeping in my own cold bed weathered by all the lovers who have pasted thro it jett, ethan, kyle, kit,

maybe a timmy in there somewhere

jon

we weren't good from the start wearing your coat covered in cinnamon

watching the coldness of the world thro the bars on my window

wishing i could lean out with butterfly wings and smoke my youth away

getting fat and bitter

thorns pushed underneath my figure nails

what happened that i can't remember?

don't want to talk about

can you feel the february taking hold of my soul breathing in and out for me

crystals on my eyelash and another boy down the well

you say it feels like i've got one foot out the door even if i don't know it

sometimes i wanna tell you to run for your life, far away from me

if i had the guts i'd dump you

set you free from this embrace

turn away in the cold, all those lonely nights without me

maybe you like it that way

to afraid to tell me

put the cowboy junkies on and dream myself to sleep

feeling weak and spineless caught up in lost in translation

i'm babbling like an idiot, always one step ahead of myself

bored of being the arch angel

sinful by night, holy by day

pink comforters and floating dogs

i won't be a famous anything, wont have kids just drift away into a nothingness

passing by fairies on the stream bank, woven baskets and being far away from you

playing in the mud

22 and i look back wondering what i've been doing the past two years

the lunar new year in on valentines day this year

letters lose their meaning as my heart drifts out to look for drowning sailors

mistaken love beats in shark infested water

nothing but hunger inside my bones licking the blood from your hands

spikes thro your hands

moon sets orange and wanting you to hold me

who are we if not lovers?

why are we doing this if there's someone else out there?

sometimes i feel like i put a spell on you that night we took the loop past the sleeping city

go back in time and do it all differently

i would have slapped you

it was a mistake

you tell me how hard you would fight for me

listen to it on repeat

moaning to myself in the park just another time another fix

mixed out into the plane sight where the bunnies get married under the moon light

i loved friday tea hot chocolate and some little gifts. . .

i never wanted to go home from florida

don't worry my drinking habit will return

brittle skin leaving way for death to enter in thro the cracks of ourselves

i day dream about being a heroin junkie accept vomiting and melt into the nothingness of it all

maybe i like longing for you, i've been doing it for so long it seems like second nature.

Honky Tonk Angels

alone again walking the waterside staring into the rolling ocean calling me out to swim but i'm to afraid just like i can't write and i can't love you. you upset me, but i doubt you'll ever know. staying up late, worrying you'll frighten me over my shoulder you knew you did a bad but you didn't care and he asks why you'd draw attention to yourself like that. leaning up close against you dancing in the soft old light half way drunk half way dreaming. wondering what it was that i saw in you. spineless and weak just like my father under my feet like St. Michael. as the ghosts loom in and out of me. being somewhere else while your playing and yes i know what you meant and yes all signs point to a no. but i'm throwing it to the wind like your ashes doing whatever i want. kiss her good night for me that sweet sent on your lips next time we meet, looking at the other one. who looks like a stranger once my lover. light up a cigarette and walk thro your old room, record at the end and when will my time come to go? fading away from me distancing myself from you. it seems like the wrong thing but you don't know what else to go. your valentine is sitting on the kitchen table next to the lemons. wonder if i'll be sitting all alone watching us on screen black and white. sticky figures and the way i feel home in bed with you. and where are you tonight? but it's over and i'm washing up on the shore right where i left myself. hating you loving you. making love and hate under the ocean sky. my one regret is casting that spell the taste of my words on my lips, cold and hard from the start, never wanting you to touch me. distance lingering in the hallway tidy whities and lonely ice cube nights of restless sleep. sinks full of books and all that went down in that bathroom. i feel so isolated. lonely. can't talk to anyone, know one will understand, lonesome aching in my heart that's now just like a warm winter glow. this girl i see, grown so unfamiliar. morning glories pressed up against the frosted windows. mango's and pumpernickel, tomatoes gone off. and that night you drove 60 miles a little to drunk. i wanted to be her, or so i thought. writing about the ice queen and for-longed love. my writing was shit, some things never change. go down to that dusty old bar, cowboy boots and wild turkey on the table tops. looking for love in the dusty corner of lonesome cowboy no where, this is the scene inside my little heart. blue and icy just like i imagined her's. cold rooms with sheets hanging smoke hanging out of my mouth naked and cold against the air of my future me. looking all eaten up by life with nothing left to offer but a little bit of skin, pale and tattered. a siren with a broken voice, is that all the love you had for me? i'll just pretend her voice is mine in the middle of the night headphones strapped to my head.