' i don't like mondays '

it's your birthday again. i don't want to look back on this a hate it. i'm wishing for the beach so badly, and that last day i saw you. the last moment i should have kissed you. you scared me and now i scare myself. starved for attention in the worst way. willing to go to the ends of the earth, just to make someone love me. i swear the next boy who buys me flowers. that will be it. drive faster. i feel like a freak who can't get it up unless i'm looking at something fucked up. 115 on a motorcycle is the first time it feels real. life and the coldness. i thought about rereading it, but i'm afraid. listen to old records, wonder if he's right that i used you. i love her face in your reaction, (creation) i rememeber for a moment what that feeling of your love is. i wanna burn into underneather my skin, to make it real. all of the por vidas in the world wrapped up in i wanna be sadated. honey on the back of my throat. wishing for someone and something far away. thought i was gonna die, but i'd do it again just to be there with you. i want to get hurt but, i'm scared. i didn't mean to hurt your feelins when i said you were broken. i was talking about someone different than you thought i was. i wanna be held, but by the right person. they are so hard to come up. i rememeber thinking about laying next to you in your room, now i don't even have a picture of you. what will it be tonight? sitting on top of the dresser, in the kitchen, out on the street? ring, i'm begging you. someone save me from these four walls. i'm pathchic, and despareate but not serious. i wish caley would just call me so i could get it over with.