धूमावती

my life has become a boring mirage of the same day flowing in and out of it's self

to cold to move to lonely to speak

listening to the same music on repeat

and some bill hicks

i'm a liar by the way

soak everything in bleach and listen to the neighbors having sex thro the wall

thinking that i'm a pervert and my brother from another mother is a mess

but at least he's alive

unlike me

waiting to get eaten by falcons in the snow

blood on that pure white

and i never understood snow white anyways

frozen to the bone wondering who died and made me the selfish giant

winter, forever

my heart as cold at the crystal snow

i feed the sparrows as my hair turns grey and i plant lupins over your grave

or at least that's what i've been calling in the past few decades

all memories lost of the love that once was

grew like ivy

spreading like wild fire

it couldn't be held back

but now, another person another husband i buried long along

with sex shops and endless rain and mexican stand off

i'm sorry sometimes he loves me and not you

but then again i'm a liar

and the curse

tap the keys note by note but i don't know what i'm doing walk down the hill to the lake

where i dreamt of being a mermaid locked in that sweet smelling grass

and our kitchen was white and cold

but i knew that could never happen

and low and behold i was right

but again i'm a liar

screaming in my dreams at you

feel weak and confused around you, always and never

why do we look at each other like that

can he feel it to?

it's wrong, my heart is fooled

and teary eyes confuse me

is it worth this, over and done with that one breakfast

breaking point and i was so tired as you held me

weeping, lonely and pathetic

sobbing over the same old lie i tell myself every day

i can't fall in love

i don't deserve to be loved

i've ruined everyone

grey hair and swollen eyes

but you know sometimes i'm a liar

foods lost a meaning

nothing that fades away as i look thro the maps, i need to dust again and the children don't come near

they think i'm witch

and who knows

quiet and cold

solitaire for life

and i can see her bowls all over the floor the blood and the mess and my grinning face

i did it once i can do it again

crash my bicycle on the way to my wedding

and brothels filled with the new girl of your dream

he just wants his life back or at least that's what he told me

i promised him tomorrow would be different

and it was

liar?

but it's time to put all these silly walks thro imaginary lives behind me

and look up facing

the fact that you didn't want me

but you had me

that i was the love of you life

and never will be again (liar)

that you love me

and i'll never love you unless i decide to

that i'll have always scared you the deepest

that we will never be close

that i will always hate you, even after your gone

unless i decide not to

that i'll never kiss your lips

well maybe

you'll never know i wanted to save you

i'll never sing beautifully for anyone else but you

i'll never be skinny

i'll never trust you

i'll never love myself

unless

liar