Honky Tonk Angels

alone again walking the waterside staring into the rolling ocean calling me out to swim but i'm to afraid just like i can't write and i can't love you. you upset me, but i doubt you'll ever know. staying up late, worrying you'll frighten me over my shoulder you knew you did a bad but you didn't care and he asks why you'd draw attention to yourself like that. leaning up close against you dancing in the soft old light half way drunk half way dreaming. wondering what it was that i saw in you. spineless and weak just like my father under my feet like St. Michael. as the ghosts loom in and out of me. being somewhere else while your playing and yes i know what you meant and yes all signs point to a no. but i'm throwing it to the wind like your ashes doing whatever i want. kiss her good night for me that sweet sent on your lips next time we meet, looking at the other one. who looks like a stranger once my lover. light up a cigarette and walk thro your old room, record at the end and when will my time come to go? fading away from me distancing myself from you. it seems like the wrong thing but you don't know what else to go. your valentine is sitting on the kitchen table next to the lemons. wonder if i'll be sitting all alone watching us on screen black and white. sticky figures and the way i feel home in bed with you. and where are you tonight? but it's over and i'm washing up on the shore right where i left myself. hating you loving you. making love and hate under the ocean sky. my one regret is casting that spell the taste of my words on my lips, cold and hard from the start, never wanting you to touch me. distance lingering in the hallway tidy whities and lonely ice cube nights of restless sleep. sinks full of books and all that went down in that bathroom. i feel so isolated. lonely. can't talk to anyone, know one will understand, lonesome aching in my heart that's now just like a warm winter glow. this girl i see, grown so unfamiliar. morning glories pressed up against the frosted windows. mango's and pumpernickel, tomatoes gone off. and that night you drove 60 miles a little to drunk. i wanted to be her, or so i thought. writing about the ice queen and for-longed love. my writing was shit, some things never change. go down to that dusty old bar, cowboy boots and wild turkey on the table tops. looking for love in the dusty corner of lonesome cowboy no where, this is the scene inside my little heart. blue and icy just like i imagined her's. cold rooms with sheets hanging smoke hanging out of my mouth naked and cold against the air of my future me. looking all eaten up by life with nothing left to offer but a little bit of skin, pale and tattered. a siren with a broken voice, is that all the love you had for me? i'll just pretend her voice is mine in the middle of the night headphones strapped to my head.