disclaimer: rubber jelly fish is my ledger. this is for me to remember.
05 28 08
K:
doesn't matter when i still have the losing hand. for you to want something from me. your still looking that makes me feel kinda lame. what do you want? was that a date last night? like? that really fucking sucks!!! your brushing me off allocution of your time and lack of communication that is shredding my feelings for you. i'm still here when he's gone. i don't disipir. if you like me you have to make an effort to keep me around. i wasn't put on this earth to be convenient for you. i really really like you and love being with you that's i'm so pissed and hurt i'm really fucking unhappy and confused by you right now. why don't we just talk next week. didn't you read any of my tex? it's mostly what you didn't do. that you didn't want me to do to you. u blew me off when i wanted to talk and you are still doing it. you stopped talking to me. yes last night and you all of a sudden stop texing me but you never called not ever to see what's up. i wanna discover what makes it work with you cause i love you. you meant to send that to jett? sigh you win. square frown. no it's me sad. do you even like me? it's misleading and hurtful when shit like this happens. then you shouldn't of told me that you were falling for me and that you like me too much. if you want to salvage anything from our time together this needs to be sorted out. sooner than later it got this way cuz you wouldn't talk to me. i had stuff on my mind 2o minutes of your time you attention and your voice is all i wanted. tex doesn't cut it. even that went sway. i said i wanna talk soon. i talk to you when i'm sleepy, anyway thats not the point.
phone conversation.
i'm not in love with you but i think i love you. sorry for being an ass.
S:
were you drunk last night. *i wanna discover how to make it work cause i love you* i don't understand i laid all my cards on the table for you to look at . no one has the winning hand. there is no four of a kind with me. i had it and folded hoping for something better. what do you want ? i want a friend to kiss and not to be upset because i'm trying to find what i want. i want the moon. i'll always still be looking. paco and i? far from it, but we like each other. i've had a crush on him for 8 years he's in town for a few days we are hanging out. your different for me too. ( reel missing in K's) i don't want you to be hurt and i don't want to feel like i'm doing something wrong cause i'm not. the harder one pushes the more i pull. no it's doesn't. what part of i have lots of boyfriends did you not understand? look i like you a lot more than anyone else i've meet in a long time. what exactly did i do? you right, when next week would you like to speak to me. your attacking me. i shut down when people attack me. what didn't i do? tell me what that is. last night? i went to a movie for a few hours i thought you might calm down a lil. i wrote you something that wasn't meant for you. i meant to say that to jett. are you in love with me? yes that's what i was just trying to tell you. no i didn't. :( let me know when you wanna conversation with me next week. yes, but i don't think you understood me when i told you i was broken.
05 30 08
K:
you already told me that. ... i'm sorry. i don't know what else to say. is it? what do you want now? yes. . . you? ( it's not what i meant) i hope you find what your looking for. last one. i'm falling to hard for you. what do you wanna do about it? do you want to do anything about it?no. . . it's not. it's okay sweety. .. i know. what to do. . . will you still hangout with me if i don't kiss you anymore. ok fine?!...u know that's not what i want. and how is that not fair. your not being fair but if that's what you want. . . as you wish. if i'm not being fair then what do you want? not be a jealous ass? sigh. . . i will try. if you will have me. hello? i have to go. sigh. no time for riddles i'm going to the ER. have not been feeling well. my chest hurts. like before i freaked out, it wont happen again. how am i not being fair. . .you wont ever tell me what you want from me. or that you even want to kiss me anymore. it wont happen again. it's out next week? u texted me.
S:
? you freaked me out, and pissed me off. it's not easy to do. fair enough. what do i want? me? i'm going to a movie with paulie. i don't know. me to. smooch. (opps i called kyle) last one meaning? i know. what are we gonna do about it? i can't answer that question. and i can't have a tex conversation tonight. trick question. i don't know tonight. what do you know? and what's that? i'll have to ask my lawyer. your not being fair bit if that's what you want....as you wish. your not being fair. you. and what did you mean? i said as you wish. ? . yea. i'm cold numb and devoid of any kind o love you wanna throw my way. im tried so tried. can you see me coming i'm so close now. how close that bathtub and white dog. what?! what happened? i'm sorry that sucks! i don't know what. but you did freak out. your a terrible lair. i'm sorry you don't feel well. i can't do this, this way tonight. you were the one who spoke of no more kissing. it's out next week yet. it's not. we were gonna talk next week. i give up. i feel like your trying to make me out to be the bad guy. i want you to stop being a jealous ass, yes! end of transmission for tonight.
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