a lot can happen in a week. a lot can happen in 24 hours. i'm tired of the world and the way i fit in it. my back stings and my soul itches. i don't think anyone did this to me. but am i really so stupid as to do it to my self? so, like there's this kid that i can't get out of my head. he's in lubbock texas. or at least in hoping that he's there, cause if he's not. well. he told me that he'd call me when he got back into town. so that was like going swimmingly and shit. ( well beside the missing him, cause i don't miss people?) but then, see there was last sunday, and then new year's eve night. and that was going swimmingly, with little sight of anything going incredibly wrong. but, no one expects the spanish inquisition. i felt it in here. she presses his hand against her stomach. this break, this disconnect. this isolation. i hurt myself today to see if i still feel. i brush the hair out of her eyes and tell her the only thing i know. i don't think it's any big deal. and it's not really the theme at hand. or at least it's like when i use to hang out with colin all those crab apple summers ago. it's not the him, or the her, or the him, or the him. it's me. there's something wrong with me. on the inside. i feel it eating at me. i know that i have the power to be a 'good' person. to love myself even, maybe. and yet, i yearn for this disappointing male approval. he's a prick and i'm the stupidest girl ever. i'm so lonesome i could cry. tyrrell waves devil like to me from across the mass of blankets and humans. i smile and wave back, questioning my body's response. he's so thick, i bet he has no idea. i keep getting what i 'wish' for. i should really watch it. i didn't wish for it to happen, but i said it was a fantastic idea. and then, to prove that i am, in fact, the biggest idiot ever! i told her she shouldn't mind me, and do it again. could i be more self loathing?! and really what bussiness do i have kissing on tyrrell. it's just, a lot can happen in a week.
i erased all my tex messages. it's like when you blank out your myspace account. or hang your converse out to dry on the telephone line. my soul has a flat, and there's no spare.
well at least i'm way better at guitar hero.
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