AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i doomed to repeat february over and over. it's only november, how can the world be so cold and curl. treat me like fool. so here the deal, yo. my life is all topsy turvy and i'm redirecting my disgruntled opinion of the world into being, wait for it, wait....
BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYY!
one boy more than any other. jett says the only rule is 'no falling in love' this isn't love or even lust. it's too much ramones, tangled up in pretty in pink with a dash wild at heart. i could say pushing up daisies and you'd understand what i'm saying, but i'm not one to get down to the point. what do i want? why am i doomed to feel this way when i get bored. how can i be bored i have so much to do, i'm running out of time; all the time. so this boy. the worst part is that i have no idea how he feels about me. i mean i know he knows that i exist, unlike that one kid, that went whoopsy! is he really gone? do i just need to do it and get it over with, it's gonna happen at some point or the other. should i really go fucking up this kids life for my own. i'm not even his type, i'm too normal and too fucking strange all wrapped up in one. his water i'm fire. i should be the one to make the, oh never mind. what am i looking for? it's not in someone else, is it? am i just lonely? do i just need a good lay, or do i want someone's hand to hold. i'm not very subtle. i'm just not. but how could i go about it. it's like in hi if this is not the type of person that's like, just in the phone. book. i can't just call and say let's go get coffee. paul says that some boys just turn it off when they know she's got a guy. i tell paul that just b/c he's some kind of super freak, male that most men aren't like that. i could always be wrong, i mean that would be funny and shit. there's a lot of lies floating around me. all i wanna do is look out of me and mine. as in my ass. what could i lose, would jett love me anymore. would i be like her? would he miss me, would they? what do i have to lose, to gain. would he think i was a freak, and totally out of my mind. i just wish i had mind control that's all it is. so that's he be the one. why is it the only thing i wanna do today? what is that? aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i think i like to make things more complicated for myself. i wish sophie was here for me to talk to. to much P D why is he so cute?!?!?! and him and him and him and him! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
stupid boy crazy bitch.