Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk

moody as smoke billows out of black canisters

everything but and dreaming about lost people who i can't touch anymore

so much right and so little wrong, in a strange way all i want is to be alone

this is such a strange feeling for me

consumed up in one other person not wanting to deal with the outside

sounds and goosebumps

dreaming we can just be dreams, i mean friends

thinking about how cute and nice your best friend is

hugs

and how much trouble that got me into last time

my fingertips are dry and dyed

thinking about how good it is just to lay in bed with you

listening to your thoughts

is this it, all over again

why does easter move around?

and what are you doing today?

prickly cold leg hair

waiting, . . .

strawberries and marinating meat

why can i just get along with my friends

and not be a hater

can't wait for crap apple blossoms a new

why is there no doubt in my mind

you'll be there

the titanic was unsinkable

good thing i'm a little over weight

can't wait to get burned into submission

taking over the nature inside me

it's a strange retaliation

are we still best friends?

or have we replaced each other?

secret gardens, easter baskets, and wondering

wondering if i'll ever fall in love with you

and what happens if i can't?

will i burn all your mix tapes?

throw away all your files?

do i really have the need to bury people so much?

maybe i should just take my own advice and know

someday all my feelings for you will just faded away

leaving me a little more on empty than

the hole i started with

just remember...

that death is not the end. not the end. not the end.

this is our last goodbye.

you call to tell me we can never be friends any more,

after i've offered you my littlest shred of sympathy

jett told me i was inviting trouble and now i for sure believe him

when you tell me you don't want to be the boy who never stops being in love with me,

i have to smile because your admitting defeat before you've even finished your sentence

wishing i had the phone charging from jett

phones gonna die

slip on pants to go talk to you in the wind

i tell you i enjoyed the ticket i had for your ride

the world a mess

wild at heart and weird on top

can't make the tears come to my eyes

just like that night way back when with

the tears of black streaming down my face

and the razors blade in my mouth

not as cute as me and not as smart as me

and we all know it

i wondering if that's what she meant by you don't want anything else

lets go break bottles in the alley way

where i'm gonna jump you

and cut your face off kid

clean off

just wanna tell you one last time

i love you

.old.

long time lover of my past

floating like a ghost in my old hotel room

many teared night past in a smelly little hole

treading you, as a thought, over

while listen to old blues

on the old radio

thinking about putting a lil tom waits in the mix

wishing for an outlet no one i care about sees

twitter on twitter

useless floating past thoughts caught up in dream catchers of time

cure on repeat everything time your in my bed

sleeping a little closer to heaven

for fear of love sifting in thro the cracks like a well trained old ghost

skip on that lost highway of love baby

have you seen him?

shape shifters in the night

shoes laces wrapped around old dying flowers

purple with green eyes of jealousy

has it really come to this

missing those sweet demon'd eyes

paulie draws, shriek types, and jett's peterpan

were a happy family

me, mom, and dad

play that harmonica one more time for me baby

play that sweet old blues to bed

let me wake another day

sweeterness on my lips of lost old sorrows

i just can't seem to let go of

wave of mutilation.

i hear your not doing well and i yearn for you

listening to chelsea hotel #2 feels like for the last time

i'm ready to put this year to bed

it's to perfect for you, my lover of lovers

to move into that bare and empty room

stains on the carpet and the hallway always smells like cooking

i never once heard you say

i need you

i don't need you

i need you

i don't you

you hold on, so tightly

fingers barely touching

and sometimes i almost love you

yearning for him, my poor drunk cowboy

lost out at sea

but he isn't the one that got away

i'm just, worried underneath it all

i'd never say i love you

but the fear of your hatred is growing inside me

it'll all come to close at the same time

starting over in the same place as where i left

i just press the repeat button

go on gaining weight, losing weight

the moon wanes and waxes

what's missing?

is it something i lost or something your missing

sometimes you love me so much

i feel like i'm drowning in your sea of emotion

are we all one big cliché?

am i?

lets go stay in the tower of song for the weekend

and i'll listen to the stranger song back to back with remembering you well

in the chelsea hotel

soon a faded memory, with you locked up inside it

blood on the sink

this isn't about you

let your angry subside

all that fire is gonna burn you up boy

'it keeps me warm'

when he speaks like this you don't know what he's after.

let go and accept it

i was always afraid of drowning

see you soon jeffy boy

*waves*

move on.

that's so easy to say when you on this other side

twittering is so much less pressure than this

and there's more or less people watching

i'm still unsure of that

if i called to fired you but you beat me to the punch

would you still begrudgingly read my blog

the hearing in my right ear is all stuffed up

my landlord wants to come look at my hotel room a week early

what gives

coughing fits in the middle of almost sleeping

time moves in mysterious ways in this house

starting already, never wanting to leave

but maybe it's about something else

that maybe i'll tell you about someday

but from where everyone else is standing

they don't get it, and i kinda like that right now

secrets, surprises, and tickling

it's spring and my head's shaved

money drop offs like some kind of cool gangsters

just estranged lovers

the color of my hair almost matches your eyes

and you pet my head as we walk thro the supermarket

he loves me

i love him not

he loves me not

i love him

he loves me

2012, it's just a ride and 700 dollar deposits

Blizzard of '77

cracked thumbs

forgetting what to say

black squares on the ceiling

wondering if you're thinking about me

one, two, three

in what order you'll never know

i'm afraid for you to hear me singing thro the walls of in

desecration

right arm heart attack

and it never comes out how i'm thinking

sweet pickles, honey, and wondering if you'll buy my ticket

things i'd never buy if i wasn't with you

it all comes out wrong

the life sucked out of it

i don't feel so alone here at home

new steel in my lip

feels funny

the way you look at me

135

and

123

88

it's my birthday soon

and i'm getting sleepy hoping i didn't get you sick

wearing his pants and your muse

tip toe into my dreams and hold me tonight

i can keep a secret if you can

mmm, smells like you

is it bed time yet?